balancing on one foot

Some tips for men on a first date:*


On Fashion:

Don't wear a snowflake sweater like the ones Grandmas give you when you're a child.
Do watch Queer Eye and dress accordingly.

On Conversation:

Don't interrupt her every time she talks. This is a dialogue, not a monologue.
Do follow the 20 comments/question rule: Never say more than 20 things about yourself before asking your date a question about her.

Don't talk about the same movie for twenty minutes and refer back to it constantly unless your date is also commenting frequently and in great depth.
Do allow your conversation to cover a large range of subjects. If your date is not responding well, ask questions in order to change the subject.

Don't talk about your hair more than she does hers.
Do compliment hers if you feel a need to touch it during the date.

Don't do creepy things like touch your date's in an out-of-context moment just to see how long it is.
Do save that for the non-creepy moments like right before a kiss, or during the goodnight (IF she's leaning into you).

Don't tell your date at the beginning of every song that this is yet another one you sang at karaoke.
Do sing along if appropriate, but never louder than every other person at the bar, and not if you don't know the words (unless you're trashed, then it's perfectly acceptable).

Don't interrupt a song or other happy, lively moment to tell your date that someone in your family is dying/sick/getting divorced/anything negative and then stare waiting for a response. This is awkward and out of context.
Do share important things about yourself rather than doing a monologue about your favorite movie, but only at an appropriate time.

On Goodnights:

Don't stare at your date not saying anything after she says she had a nice time.
Do ask her out again (or don't) and say goodnight and turn away (unless she leans into you, in which case you need to assess whether it's for a kiss or just a peck on the cheek).

Don't reach out and grab her cheek unless she's looking dreamily into your eyes and leaning forward.
Do let go when she jerks her head back.

Don't overstay your welcome.
Do leave her wanting more.

Don't IM or call her AFTER goodnight.
Do wait until AT LEAST the next day.

Don't IM her the second she signs on.
Do give her a chance to let everything load and check her email or news or whatever. If she is eager to talk to you, she will IM you when she's ready.

On Unhappy Endings:

Don't assume that you will hit it off and become romantic right away.
Do keep it low-pressure, let things happen without forcing them, and go with the flow.

Don't throw an overly-dramatic emotional hissy fit if she tells you she'd rather just be friends.
Do be happy for getting to spend time with someone new, for gaining a possible friend, or just for the fact that she told you instead of ignoring you.

Don't contact her the next day pretending to apologize only to attack her for telling you she wasn't interested.
Do apologize if it's sincere, then, if you thought she did something shitty, let it go and be thankful you were only one night into it.

Don't imply that she owes you money for her part of the bill.
Do calculate the correct amount if you must be an ass.

Don't be an ass.


*Normally I wouldn't be so mean as to outline all of the things that have gone wrong on a date, but sometimes a girl is completely justified.