Lost in Translation

After a long day in the factory in Penang, I was eager to get back to the island (and my beautiful hotel). I frequently get the same drivers, which means that the long taxi ride is full of conversation, questions, and misunderstandings. While I enjoy this most of the time, some days I just want to hole up and fade out - especially when traffic makes the drive take almost 2 hours.

This day I was thankful to have a van all to myself with a driver who didn't speak much and had left an American movie playing on the abnormally large tv inside the van. I relaxed and settled in for what promised to be an amusing b-movie that was basically Jaws meets the Bayou. 

Swamp Shark was entertaining enough on its own (check out the trailer). It stars Kristy Swanson (the original Buffy!!!), was retitled in Japan as Frying Jaws, and features my favorite tag line, "Fresh water. Fresh meat." The best part, though, was that my driver had the volume up and the subtitles turned on. The subtitles were in English, but had pretty clearly been translated into Malay, and then back into English. The result was the most I've laughed on one of these trips. 

Verbal: "Go to Hell" 

Subtitle: "Fuck you"

Verbal: "Get off the wheel!"

Subtitle: "Let go of steering!"

Verbal: "He just got in the way"

Subtitle: "He walked in the road"

In response to, "Are you ready?"

Verbal: "As ready as I'm gonna be"

Subtitle: "To the extent possible"

Verbal: "I gotta lock up"

Subtitle: "I must conclude"

In response to a question he didn't know the answer to:

Verbal: "You got me"

Subtitle: "I ask myself the same question"

Verbal: "Oh God!"

Subtitle: "Jasses"

Yes, Jasses. 

I now have a strong affection for this movie. Might just have to by myself a copy. Wonder if I can find a copy here with the crazy subtitles. I'll host a screening back in SF :)

Update:
Going through some pics I found this shot I took while in the taxi. The top line is the actual dialogue. The bottom is the translation.

 

TGIF - Chaotic Communication

I left Hawaii on Wednesday and had a 2 hour layover in Honolulu. I stopped in at Gordon Biersch for a sandwich and had a bit of difficulty getting my order across. The exchange went something like this (edited for grammatic understandability):

Me: "I'd like the Kalua pork sandwich, please."

Bartender chic with thick accent: "French fries or coleslaw?"

Me: "coleslaw."
Me: "Actually, can I get a side of fries, too, please?"

Bartender: "You can't have a side of fries. You can have a side of coleslaw."

"I can't get a side of fries?"

"No, just coleslaw."

"Okay, can I have fries with my sandwich then, and an extra side of coleslaw?"

"No. We don't do fries because garlic fries are an appetizer."

"I don't want garlic fries."

"You can't do a side of garlic fries."

"I don't want garlic fries. I want regular fries."

"We don't have a side of garlic fries because we have the appetizer."

"I don't want garlic fries."

"You can't have garlic fries on the side."

"I don't want garlic fries. I want coleslaw and regular fries."

"We don't do fries, just coleslaw."

"Didn't you just ask me if I wanted fries or coleslaw with my sandwich?"

"Yes, with your sandwich."

"Okay, so can I get fries with my sandwich?"

"Yes, okay."

"And can I get an extra side of coleslaw?"

"Yes."

"Okay, thanks. I'd like a Kalua pork sandwich with fries, plus an extra side of coleslaw."

"You can't do garlic fries."

"I don't want garlic fries, can I have regular fries?"

"We don't do sides of garlic fries because we have the appetizer."

"You are making this so complicated. I want a Kalua pork sandwich with regular fries as a side. Ok?"

"Ok."

"I would also like to add a side of coleslaw. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Ok. Thanks."

She goes to the computer and inputs the order. I get scared that she'll spit in my food. Next time she walks by I say, "Thanks for taking care of that, I know it was confusing."

"Ok. You're welcome."

Smiling, I say, "Don't want to have garlic breath on the plane, you know?"

"Oh. Yes." As she jumps over the computer and changes my order.

*sigh*

That is exactly how I felt in every conversation at work today.

TGIF

Feeding my Crush on Peter DeWolf

Seriously, the man is amazing. I wonder if his real conversations are ever this cool.

an excerpt:
“I adore a woman who’ll straight up order a burger.”
“You’d love me if I was eating tofu.”
“Busting out ‘love’ already?”
Her eyes got big. For a half second, she thought she had ruined it. Then she saw his face.
“Please. How could you not love me?,” she asked, as rhetorically as anything had ever been asked.
“You make a good point.”
“I always do.”
Their feet accidentally bumped together under the table. Neck hair stood up on end on both sides of the booth.
They left their feet touching.
He smiled at her. Warm. Honest.
“Baby…?” he slightlyabovewhispered.
“Yeah?”
“Tofu would be pushing it.”
“Shut up.”
He smiled at her. Warm. Smitten.

Peter, can you just write the rest of my first dates for me? Pretty please?

Who Controls the Definition of a Word?

Erin McKean is changing the way dictionaries are created. Which means that Erin McKean is changing the way proper word usage is defined.

In my business model innovations class, we frequently have guest speakers to tell us about their entry into a market. We were fortunate enough last week to have Erin McKean of Wordnik. Erin is one of approximately 145 lexicographers in the country, and she knew that she wanted to work with dictionaries from the time she was 8 years old. To watch her present her new company, Wordnik, is to watch a woman in love with what she does. I highly recommend watching her speak if you ever get a chance.

After Erin spoke at TED, venture funders approached her, wondering how possible it would be to capture all of the words that were used in the English language, rather than simply the small set included in print dictionaries. Regardless of your interest in language or dictionaries, the story is pretty damn fascinating. Print dictionaries capture less than a million words, and it takes years for a word to make it into the collection. Wordnik uses a technology to mine a large corpus of historical text and contemporary writing (including the internet). The algorithm pulls information about words and how they are used, offering immediate context, definitions, and references to "words" that aren't included in the print dictionaries. To date, Wordnik has counted about 4 million words, and about 10 million things that are used like words, far surpassing the capacity of print dictionaries - and it does so automatically and immediately.

An interesting question that arises from Wordnik is the question of who actually defines a word. In Erin's dream world, gone are the days of 4th grade English teachers correcting your usage of who and whom. Erin believes that the users of a language define the language, and she bucks the idea the only real definition is the one in the OED. It's an interesting question, really. Is the correct usage of a word the one defined for us and listed in the print dictionaries? OR is the correct usage really just defined by how the population uses it? Take a look at Erin's talks, browse the site, and decide for yourself.

Erin McKean at TED

Erin McKean at Google

Erin McKean article about using words

Wordnik

Urgent Requirement Plz Fwd To All

Apparently there is a highly desired Indian woman with my name who has given her email address to many people incorrectly. In fact, she's given them my email address. Over the past couple of years I've received more and more random emails from people I don't know, often in either broken or incredibly proper English. As google chat became more popular, I started receiving messages from men insisting they knew me. They met me at the call center when we both worked there. They knew my brother. Why was I being so mean to pretend I didn't know them? I feel a bit bad for the poor girl, because she probably gets a lot of people angry with her after I insist that I do not know these men.

This morning I received my favorite email thus far. I'm sure it's a joke, but I'm still very amused. :)

To:

Dear Ones,

Due to recession, I left my Girlfriend (as part of my cost cutting efforts). I need new one now, so pass on this information to your female friends...

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below:

Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)

Experience : at least of 2 years (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)

Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.

Age: 18-23 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)

Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.

Perks and incentives:

Total gross ( Monthly ) :
• 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
• Bike rides each duration 1 hour
• Trips to National Highways
• 5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Iskcon Temple
• Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
• Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
• 2 movies per month (on weekends)
• Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every weekend (On your own expense)
A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and Un-professional taxes will be informed on joining.
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)

Please NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.

There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program by referring their friends, colleagues etc.
Candle light/Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.
Search never ends!!
Interested candidates can send their resume with

Subject: Name/fresher-exp/age.
Full Photo must be attached in the email

Note: Applications without photo will be rejected.
This message (including any attachments) is intended only for
the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed and
may contain information that is non-public, proprietary,
privileged, confidential, and exempt from disclosure under
applicable law or may constitute as attorney work product.
If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified
that any use, dissemination, distribution, or copying of this
communication is strictly prohibited. If you have received this
communication in error, notify us immediately by telephone and
(i) destroy this message if a facsimile or (ii) delete this message
immediately if this is an electronic communication.

Thank you.

Warning Label Translations

We just ordered a DDR mat that's supposed to actually let us play our old DDR games in the PS3. It came with instructions written in an interesting translation of English.
An excerpt from the warning section:
V, matters needing attention
1, do not be please in the high temperature, moist and under the multi-dust environment to use
2, Please not will dancemat to put the place which iwll expose to the sun in the solar storm.
3, guarded against uses the non-neutral solvent to clean this.
4, please do not have to make an effort to twist, pulls the electric cable line, in order to avoid the ties damage.
and my favorite:
5, the child, the old person and bodily illness carry on the game, avoids the period of revolution excessively being long.

Fabio's English

On Top Chef, Fabio has consistently been an excellent source of translation humor.

On last night's Top Chef, Fabio broke his finger. The medic asked if he wanted to go to the hospital. He said (paraphrasing), Hospital? I ain't going to no freegin hospital. I'll chop off my finger and sear it on the hot pad so it stops bleeding and deal with nine fingers tomorrow.

That was good, but my favorite - the one that had me rewinding and watching again - was this:
"I got so many kick in my ass that sometimes when I'm in the bathroom I still pull shoes out my ass."

Now add a thick Italian accent and read it again.

Classic.

Made Up Words

Pete was talking to an airline representative on the phone today. In giving his confirmation number, he started doing the a for apple thing. All of a sudden, I heard this:

"D as in Dog, F as in Frank, Z as in Zed"

I'm sure the representative wondered why their was a crazy person laughing in the background.

Addendum:

I googled "zed" and found that, according to Wikipedia at least, it is a real word that is actually the name of the letter zee, as it is called in non US English speaking countries.

The Real Time View

TV Squad has a great article about Tivo today. Basically, the point is that because Tivo allows you to watch your favorite shows without commercials, it actually becomes a drag to watch live tv with commercials. Pete and I have experienced this phenomenon in our house, as well. We will often note that a show we're recording is starting, but then watch something else that is already recorded instead so that we don't have to sit through commercials. The author of this article speaks directly to me, and I'm guessing many of you, when he says that when we do sit through commercials we are paying a show the highest compliment.

All this has got me to thinking that the best compliment a TiVo owner can give a show is to give it The Real Time View. Quickly defined, The Real Time View is when you love a show so much that you're willing to sit through commercials (like a commoner) because you can't even wait ten minutes to build up a TiVo buffer.

yeah...very few shows make it into that realm. Lost definitely does for us. We can't wait to watch it...especially now that it's on at 10 and waiting might mean a whole day. Everything else, though, is pretty subject to tivoification.

You can read the author's take at TV Squad.

Silly Murders

Parking really is a hot commodity in the Bay Area!

An article in the Chronicle:

33-year-old Oakland man was gunned down in a "silly" argument over a parking space at his apartment complex, police said today.
...
"It's just silly that this resulted in a homicide," said homicide Sgt. Tony Jones. "A guy parks in the wrong parking space. They argue. A gun comes out, and a man is dead."

Did he really just use silly and homicide in the same sentence?

Rules of English

The question came up today at work as to whether we are offering a grant toward the cost of a project or towards the cost of a project.

The ever handy google answered quickly, of course.

While we individually vary in how we use this, many of us tend to say add the s due to pluralization in the sentence.

For example, we say "grant monies toward the cost" or "a grant towards the cost". Apparently, this change is totally unnecessary. Both forms of the word are correct, with the s not creating a plural or singular form because the word is used as a preposition.

EnglishRules.com does point out, however, that Americans tend to use "toward" while Brits tend to use "towards". Just another example of their fancy schmancy English adding extra letters and such (e.g. colour, dialogue, cheque).

You learn something new every day.

Why Tall Chicks Rock Reason #1

I'm starting with 1 because I think I'm actually going to keep this list. :)

We provide shade in sunny places.

What is a Mandy?

Yeah, like I'm gonna give you the whole story.

So a friend went to Urban Dictionary for the answer.
UD has 23 definitions.

This is my favorite:
Kick ass amazing cool as fuck girl

And this is the closest to the truth (get your mind out of the gutter):
She came and she gave without taking.
But he sent her away.