SmileyBits Day 15

1. I enjoy being busy with work.

2. Sunset hike on Shell Ridge.

3. Today, I jogged for the first time in over a year and had no pain.

4. Getting caught in the rain.

5. Familiar sushi dinner.

SmileyBits Day 14

1. Woke up this morning and was reminded that a friend gave me a bandaid to cover a little blister. The smiley part? It was one of those huge knee-sized bandaids for this little spot on my foot. Totally sweet that the friend felt a need to to give me such a big bandaid.

2. Rampage IPA in the Sports Basement parking lot with friends.

3. I LOVE Pluto's salads and stuffing. Soooo good.

4. Got to help Miss A go buy some ski boots. Uber exciting that another friend is up and ready for next season!

5. Catching up with old acquaintances.

SmileyBits Day 13

1. Discovered a new adorable little cafe/bar today. The people at Cafe Prague were great! Definitely want to go back.

2. Spent some time practicing my German this evening.

3. Peanut Butter Chip gelato at Naia.

4. New South Park episodes online.

5. Got to sit in the sun most of the day.

SmileyBits Day 12

1. Brunch at a new spot. Mo's Grill in North Beach. Fantastic pulled pork sandwich.

2. Pop-A-Shot at Mauna Loa!

3. Running into old acquaintances.

4. Another stunningly gorgeous day in the city.

5. Time with old friends.

SmileyBits Day 11

1. I bought my first real backpack! Ready for Indonesia!

2. First time hiking in Briones!

3. Foot did okay on the hike. Not great, but okay.

4. While sitting at Cafe de La Presse, watched a festively-dressed woman on a bike pull up, stop, drink straight out of a water bottle sitting on one of the tables, and ride away.

5. Open and honest conversation about difficult subjects with friends.

SmileyBits Day 10

1. I have a sunroof suntan. When I see the line of tan to white in the mirror, I can't help but laugh.

2. When I was in junior high I heard someone say the word "cacahuete." I thought this was the funniest thing ever and learned how to use it as much as possible. My first full sentence in Spanish was "you are a stupid peanut." (I was highly entertaining to myself at that age.)
Last night, while enjoying a lovely glass of sparking rose with a friend I never get to see, the bartender says loudly "Cacahuete!" out of nowhere. I almost spit out my drink, and then tell him that's MY word. :) We bond a bit, and before we leave, he comes over and says only "Cacahuete" and then walks by. Definitely a smiley moment.

3. Above mentioned sparkling rose. I have a think for sparkling rose.

4. At dinner in the east bay at a nice-ish restaurant, a tall woman in her late 50s or so caught my attention. She was standing outside the restaurant walking around, in a very fancy outfit (sparkly long gown with matching jacket - opera fancy) and very very tall heels and hair. She seemed like maybe she was drunk or got stood up, but she had obviously been very pretty in her day and was dressed for an occasion. We watched her while we ate our dinner, and then as we were leaving she came in and asked me about my height. The woman herself, her outfit, and the fact that I got the opportunity to meet her all made me smile.

5. Finally got to see Cabin in the Woods. Not AS good as I would have expected it to be, but definitely fun and worth the effort. Go see it.

SmileyBits Day 9

1. I made it on time to my morning meeting and found rock star parking. Great way to start a beautiful day.

2. For the first time ever, I visited the Excelsior/Outer Mission. I feel a little more like a real San Franciscan now.

3. A friend showed me a new view of the city.

4. I got to check the curvy part of Vermont St. off my SF explore list.

5. Spent a fantastic afternoon with a friend driving around in the sun and enjoying just being alive and together.

SmileyBits Day 8

1. It's National Stand Tall Week! Great marketing from Long Tall Sally, one of the only shops from which I can buy pants. Short and sweet interview with Arianne Cohen on NY Nightly News.

2. I could have been starting on another disaster project today. Instead, I'm prepping for a pro-bono stint that will allow me a little breathing room.

3. It was a fanstically gorgeous day in San Francisco.

4. The piano player at Cypress takes requests.

5. While I didn't love the movie, watching Hangover 2 with someone who hadn't seen it yet was pretty darn fun.

SmileyBits Day 7

I'm having a hard time with the smiley bits today. I just had a very frustrating and exhausting conversation about my year end reviews at work, and I basically got slammed because of a terrible project that was out of my control. But I am committed to doing this anyway. So here goes:

1. I am thankful for a mentor at work who is willing to talk with me and work with me through things I need to improve.

2. I have an adorable kitty who could not wait for me to get home and is ready to curl up and make me feel needed.

3. Bad tv shows that can distract me from driving myself crazy about work stuff.

4. Colleagues who are in the same boat and vent and let me vent.

5. Great girlfriends and a great dinner.

SmileyBits Day 6

1. Taking the long way:

Guess I could have made it easier on myself
But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow
Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

2. Friends who, despite my recent inability to maintain a proper work-life balance, still know they can ask for help when they really need it.

3. My next client is a local community center and I get to lead the pro bono engagement.

4. The Poquito Picante at Burritt Room. Caveat: sad that Burritt Room has lost a bit of its beauty in gaining a restaurant, a real menu, and more customers.

5. Sara Bareilles:

I'm not the girl that I intend to be
But I dare you, darlin', just you wait and see

SmileyBits Day 5

1. I got to spend the afternoon sitting on the sunny deck of Gold Coast watching skiers contemplate the Palisades. My rigorous research shows that for every 8 skiers who stand at the top of the Chimney whacking the cornice, 1 skier goes down National.

2. I enjoyed Gotye when I heard him on the radio, but after seeing him on SNL, I'm a new avid fan.

3. While at the sinks/mirror in the bathroom at Squaw, another tall chick asked me how tall I was and we started a conversation. She left before I did. When I returned to my friends, one of them was standing with her. Turned out that she had been staying in his ski lease and when she told him she met a super tall chick, he knew it was me. Such a small fun world.

4. I have a new celebrity crush: Geoff Stults. This doesn't happen very often for me, so we'll have to see if it sticks. Can't stop watching The Finder.

5. We took the long way home tonight.

SmileyBits Day 4

1. On male and female friends sharing a bed/cuddling, a friend offered this sage advice: Just make sure that when you're spooning it doesn't turn into a spork.

2. Epic blonde moments. During a heated battle of Apples to Apples, the card "The Wright Brothers" turned up. The newly minted Alpine Barbie said with conviction, "I do love me some Unchained Melody." Much laughter followed.

3. I received a not-quite-yet-deserved initiation into Team Tie Dye from Tie Dye Bill himself, courtesy of Sponge Bob. I feel honored to be included.

4. My career has typically not been one that has involved anyone else in my life. Meaning, usually my word about what I'm working on is taken as gold and my friends, while interested, have very little input, experience, or passion about it because they are not exposed to that world. That was true when I was in philanthropy, and it has been true for some of my projects as a consultant thus far. However, the direction I'm trying to go - toward engagement with emerging markets that both benefits domestic companies and growing economies, does come up occasionally. With the recent FoxConn mass suicide threats, Apple joining the FLA and releasing supplier reports, and Mike Daisy making a giant ass of himself and the entire issue, my major career interest/path is a topic of conversation for everyone else, too. I am fortunate enough to have very smart and aware people in my life, and last night we sat at dinner in a nice restaurant (on the second floor away from the masses) having a heated discussion about outsourcing, working conditions, government involvement, etc. It was daunting, because I'm not used to my friends being wrapped up in my professional interests, but it was exhilarating and revealing.

5. I have a brand new beautiful smile! I broke my jaw when I was 12 and have had a couple of issues with my smile that I didn't like for years. My two front teeth were too big because of badly fitted crowns, and the cuspids were small and displaced, which left gaps. Recently, remnants from the injury forced me to have a tooth removed and an implant put in, and have the bad crowns replaced. This means I got to fix the issues that  were bothering me. It's not final yet, there are still some shaping and shading issues to smooth out in follow up procedures, but for the first time since I was 12 years old I have a smile that fits my mouth and has no gaps. It's nice how being happy with your smile can make you smile all the time. :)

SmileyBits Day 3

1. I have a cat that acts like a dog. Sebastien actually waits for me to get home, meows when I open my door, and runs to come hang out with me. A few minutes ago, he sat on the floor and yelled at me until I moved the multiple computers and books so he had room to jump up and join me.

2. Following #1, my ability to remember that he's just a cat, and he'll be fine on his own while I go about my life.

3. Arrowhead sparkling water. I think I may have a problem.

4. Mango curry chicken salad at Bistro 69.

5. Beautiful clear skies on a night when I thought I'd be facing driving through a blizzard. Thank you, rain/snow gods for this brief respite. You can start again when I'm safely in bed at, oh say, 2am.

SmileyBits Day 2

1. Friends who brave the Bay Bridge in the pouring rain to come hang out with me.

2. My new adorable comfy mini hoodie robe.

3. The ability to mute the conference call so I can go on with my day while other people yell at each other over things that have no relevance to me.

4. Thunderstorms and lightning in a city with no thunderstorms.

5. That I can throw a suitcase and a box on the floor and my cat suddenly loves me more.

SmileyBits Day 1

I'm not exactly a proponent of making commitments online. Seems like I'm usually setting myself up to fail.

I decided to make this commitment, though, because so much of how I derive my happiness is about sharing with others.

So starting today, until I leave for Indonesia in May, I'm publishing what I'm gonna call the SmileyBits. I want to identify and share the little things in my life that make me feel thankful, joyful, and peaceful.

So to start:

1. The woman at the deli counter at Mayflower Market. She's clearly the mother/aunt to the boys who work in the store, and she's got the best smiling eyes. Something in her greeting makes me feel nurtured every time I place an order.

2. Friends discussing how much space they need in a relationship: "I'd like to get married, but I'm afraid that means I'll probably have to share my bedroom."

3. Buy one get one half off on giant bags of expensive cat food:

4. Duct tape and my ability to make a cheap IKEA drawer last at least a few more months.

5. This chick: http://laughingsquid.com/airplane-lavatory-self-portraits-in-the-flemish-style/

The Life of a Tall Girl

This video is SO true!



They missed a couple of my favorites:
"Are your parents tall?"
"How tall are your parents?"
"I wanna climb that tree!"
"I'll climb that!"

TGIF - Chaotic Communication

I left Hawaii on Wednesday and had a 2 hour layover in Honolulu. I stopped in at Gordon Biersch for a sandwich and had a bit of difficulty getting my order across. The exchange went something like this (edited for grammatic understandability):

Me: "I'd like the Kalua pork sandwich, please."

Bartender chic with thick accent: "French fries or coleslaw?"

Me: "coleslaw."
Me: "Actually, can I get a side of fries, too, please?"

Bartender: "You can't have a side of fries. You can have a side of coleslaw."

"I can't get a side of fries?"

"No, just coleslaw."

"Okay, can I have fries with my sandwich then, and an extra side of coleslaw?"

"No. We don't do fries because garlic fries are an appetizer."

"I don't want garlic fries."

"You can't do a side of garlic fries."

"I don't want garlic fries. I want regular fries."

"We don't have a side of garlic fries because we have the appetizer."

"I don't want garlic fries."

"You can't have garlic fries on the side."

"I don't want garlic fries. I want coleslaw and regular fries."

"We don't do fries, just coleslaw."

"Didn't you just ask me if I wanted fries or coleslaw with my sandwich?"

"Yes, with your sandwich."

"Okay, so can I get fries with my sandwich?"

"Yes, okay."

"And can I get an extra side of coleslaw?"

"Yes."

"Okay, thanks. I'd like a Kalua pork sandwich with fries, plus an extra side of coleslaw."

"You can't do garlic fries."

"I don't want garlic fries, can I have regular fries?"

"We don't do sides of garlic fries because we have the appetizer."

"You are making this so complicated. I want a Kalua pork sandwich with regular fries as a side. Ok?"

"Ok."

"I would also like to add a side of coleslaw. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Ok. Thanks."

She goes to the computer and inputs the order. I get scared that she'll spit in my food. Next time she walks by I say, "Thanks for taking care of that, I know it was confusing."

"Ok. You're welcome."

Smiling, I say, "Don't want to have garlic breath on the plane, you know?"

"Oh. Yes." As she jumps over the computer and changes my order.

*sigh*

That is exactly how I felt in every conversation at work today.

TGIF

Marriage Baggage

A quote from Presumed Innocent, by Scott Turow:

After almost twenty years of sleeping with Barbara, I no longer went to bed with only her. I lay down with five thousand other fucks; with the recollection of younger bodies; with the worries for the million things that supported and surrounded our life: the corroding rain gutters, Nat's unwillingness to study mathematics, the way Raymond, over the years, had come to greet my work with an eye its defects rather than successes, the particular arrogant glint that came into my mother-in-law's eye when she discussed any person outside her immediate family, including me. In our bed, I reached for Barbara through the spectral intervention of all these visitors, all that time.

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Just Another Day

This morning I was sitting in my office producing a report that I update each week. As I changed the date, I was hit with the reminder that my dad's birthday is tomorrow.

October 19. Tomorrow. Dad's birthday. 

The best way I can think to describe what happened in that instant is that the reminder somehow physically and mentally knocked the wind out of me. I felt like I'd just taken a hard fall. I couldn't inhale or exhale. Time just stopped for a minute.

October 19.

I don't think I actually realized that I had stopped breathing until I finally heard myself gasp a bit for that next breath. I had to go into a meeting, so I told myself it was just another day, shoved it back down, and went on with my work.

~~~

I don't understand why it happened so suddenly. For the last week I've been informing people of an October 19 deadline, creating meetings for Wednesday, and discussing timelines. It just hadn't occurred to me yet. Now, though, even typing it hurts.

~~~

My dad and I didn't talk all that much, but October 19 was different. Even if we were really upset with one another or our lives were so busy we couldn't make time, I always called him on his birthday.

My dad would have been 73 tomorrow. I would have called him and asked him what he did for his birthday. Most likely he would have just had a nice lunch at home and spent time on the farm - like any other day. I'd tell him to make sure and treat himself to something special, and he'd tell me that my brother and sister called and pass along updates. After a pause in the conversation he'd slowly say, "Well, I reckon I better get off here," and we'd end the call with assurances that we'd keep in better touch.  For a few days after the call, we'd text each other quite a bit. The quick hellos and silly dad jokes would come less frequently as my response time increased over the following week or two. I'd let it slide knowing that we'd have another call on Thanksgiving for sure. I would feel a little badly that we didn't talk more, but I'd get wrapped up in my life and move on.

But tomorrow we won't do that. We can't do that. Tomorrow is October 19, and for the first time in my life that day will pass without my talking with him. 

I'm trying to tell myself it's just another day. It is, ultimately. 

And yet, looking at that date, 

October 19

I just can't breathe.