Why I am Tired, Irritable, and Frustrated

Sun 11/19
We wake up to find a large bulge in our bedroom ceiling. Paint is falling and my nightstand is damp. I go to the office and talk to Leasing Agent, who tells me that this is considered a big deal and I should call the emergency number if it gets worse. Nothing is addressed at the time.

That evening the bulge has gotten bigger, producing a small hole. The floor is moist. We call the emergency number. Leasing Agent comes over to take a look. He tells us that it is condensation from the steam from the boiler and there is nothing to worry about. He assures us there is no asbestos, and they will take all measures to fight mold and mildew. He tells me a plumber will look at it, but offers no details. He tells me this is "not really an emergency."

Mon 11/20
Mr. Fix It takes a look. To do so he opens up a cookie sheet sized portion of the

At 4pm, Mr. Fix It arrives with Boiler Man #1 to finish. They are in the apartment for no more than 30 minutes. They leave a board over the hole. They tell me the leak is fixed.

At 6pm, we notice the carpet is soaked and we can see the water coming out of the hole. The paint on the wall is so wet that it is moving down the wall. We call the emergency number. At 8:30pm, Boiler Man #2 comes over and verbalizes his frustration with the people who worked on the leak previously. He tells us the caulking that was used makes it impossible for him to repair it correctly. Leasing Agent and Mr. Fix It both show up to discuss. Boiler Man #2 says he will not be able to fix it without going into the apartment above us, and all agree that is not possible given the holiday. They put foil over the hole to collect the water and let it drip down a rope into a large trash can. They place a pump into the trash can and put a hose out our window, which must remain open. Boiler Man #2 tells me they can fix it on Friday. We are now unable to sleep in the bedroom and move our mattress to the living room.

Friday 11/24
Mr. Fix It comes in to check the hole. Nothing is done.

Saturday-Sunday - no word
I email Apartment Manager to assure she is apprised of the situation.

Monday 11/27
Manager comes back from vacation. She calls me in the morning to tell me she will do what she can to get everything fixed. She assures me that my apartment and cat are safe with the maintenance people and that I need not worry. She tells me that this is an old building and these problems are to be expected to happen sometimes.

She calls me in the afternoon to tell me the leak has been fixed by Boiler Man #3, but the room needs to be dried out now before the hole is closed.

I arrive home to find the lights in my apartment on again. I speak with her in person to express my frustration. I tell her I am willing to be patient but I would appreciate that all get completed soon and efficiently. She tells me there were differing opinions on how to fix the leak and that she went with Boiler Man #3's opinion that the repairs did not need to extend into the upstairs apartment. I express concerns over my electric bill, as well as the fact that nothing was completed over the weekend. She tells me the Boiler Co. was closed on Friday.

Wednesday, 11/29
I walk into the bedroom this morning to find a large wet spot on the floor. I can visibly see the leak and feel the water dripping through the board. I tell Apartment Manager, who calls me to say that Boiler Co will be back today to fix it.

Side Note: We do not even use the radiator/boiler system. We are a new apartment in an old building with an electric heating system.

We have now been sleeping in our living room for 7 nights. We have been without heat (because the window has to remain open) and with an open window letting cold air in for 7 days.

I gave her opportunity to offer some sort of compensation, and the push back I got was that these things happen and she will fix it.

I am frustrated, tired, and cold. I want to demand that we pay lessened rent and they pay our electric bill (fan, lights left on, and water pump), but I don't want to cause a bad relationship. I love this place and don't want to move.

Anyone have any suggestions?

Philanthropy = Economy

This is soooo a longer post I need to write eventually detailing my move from socialist leanings to fiscal conservatism, but for now I'll offer up the current trends. Not that I'm a big fan of the Christian Science point of view, but the Christian Science Monitor had a great article recently:

The Christian Science Monitor
By Mark Trumbull

11/27/2006

Everybody knows Americans are big givers. But their charitable impulses keep generating surprises.

Consider just a few conclusions from recent research:

* Charitable giving plays an even larger role in the economy than is suggested by some $260 billion in annual contributions. Each dollar of giving appears to create $19 of extra national income, according to a book released this past weekend.

* Demand for nonprofit services gets proportionately bigger, not smaller, as a locality's income rises, a Federal Reserve economist finds.

* The philanthropy of the wealthy may not hinge on tax incentives to the degree many believe. In one new survey, a majority of wealthy givers say they would contribute the same amount if the estate tax were abolished. Ditto, they said, if they could no longer deduct the value of gifts from their taxable income.

These disparate studies are shedding light not just on who gives but also on why they give and what their actions mean to society. Often, the conclusions run counter to expectations.

"This is supposed to be the start of a conversation. It's the first word, not the last word," says Arthur Brooks, referring to his new book on charity, called "Who Really Cares." "We need more people thinking about [the study of charitable giving] in a serious way."

See Full Text and Diagrams Here

San Francisco Values

Over the course of the past month there has been a great deal of talk about what it means to have San Francisco Values. The midterm elections brought up a lot of issues that demonstrate just how liberal San Francisco as a city is. The biggest impact to me, though, didn't happen during the election. It just happened in the public schools. They are getting rid of JROTC programs across the city because they want to promote a culture of peace.

Having grown up in an area where the military is the only option for many, and this program keeps many kids out of trouble, I'm a bit baffled. Let's trade in our organized actions of protection for what...kids who don't have anything better to do and act out against the schools?

Ridic.

Microloans

Mohammed Yunus is my hero!

SuperCoolMan

He even LOOKS like a good guy!



What do I have to do to work for you, oh Mr. Yunus!

Christening

We brought home our adorable new kitty today!

We waited forever for the cleaning people to finish in the kitten room, and in the process Pete spied an orange one. He's the youngest smallest cutest kitten in the room. He curled up in my lap and passed out. His name was Target, but we've dubbed him Sebastien (french spelling). So, without further delay, meet Sebastien Target Dirksen.

A map of all the states through which I've travelled:





And if I break that down to places in which I've spent at least a day:



create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.


Outside of the US, though, I'm a big homebody, apparently:



create your own visited countries map

I'm ashamed.

Mondays

I am sitting at my desk at work feeling like there is no point in even being here. The micromanaging from my board has gotten to the point where I can't accept a phone call into the office without receiving instruction from trustees first. Even my ED hesitates to make mundane daily decisions. This is not contributing to me being more motivated to accomplish great things at work. At this point, it's so difficult to actually complete a project (because I have to wait for input/approval from so many other people) that I feel proud for simply getting the paperclips cleaned up off my desk.

And it's Monday.

I can't wait for Germany. 11 days.

I Think I'm Spoiled

I watched the fireworks over San Francisco bay last night.

But all I could think was, "this is it?"

In comparison, this is what I grew up attending on 4th of July:

I Love America Celebration

another post...can't resist the tigers

Snopes posted an article about a .http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif



The best part of this is that the piglets are dressed in tiger costumes! Ha!



The tiger pictures were taken at a zoo in Thailand, known for their great breeding programs. The problem is that they are also known for shady behavior involving the use of animals to entertain humans without consideration for the animals' natural tendencies.

art as social commentary

I recognize that it has been exactly forever.2 days since I last wrote, and that I'm going to get a lot of shit for just posting a link to another website, but this was too cool not to share.

So this kid makes art that comments on things like bioengineering and sweatshops, but it does it in a way that is really cool and fun.

To start, check out the Urban Legends about his stuff.

Then check out the store front that's causing such a ruckus.

And keep in mind he has other pretty dern cool stuff, too!

Quarterlife Turning Point

I realized today that I have just reached a new period of my life.

From this point forward, when I admire an actress on a show, or find an actor attractive, it will not be unusual for me to find out they are my age or *gasp* younger than me. This happened in music long ago, but it seemed at the time to be more about the the youngin's like Britney and Christina, who were my age at the time anyway, and less about me getting older.

The fact that a big chunk of the cast on any given show I watch is younger than me, is a bit hard to swallow.

Part of me looks at how accomplished they are this age already. The other part just doesn't want to be older than the "young pretty girl" on the show.

Also, the men and women who seem to be about the same ages on shows, are more likely portrayals of older men and younger women. On Lost, for example, while Kate is just 27, Sawyer and Sayid are both 37, and Jack is 40. Libby's only 38.

40?!?!?!?!?

Dude.

My disheartening list:

From Lost:
Claire - 9 mos younger than me
Kate - only 2 yrs older
Ana Lucia - just 3 yrs older
Shannon - 2.5 yrs YOUNGER

From House:
Cameron - only 2 years older, and she's supposed to have gone to med school and become this super specialized doctor genius

I'm getting old :(

My New SF Discovery

So today I was walking down Pine Street to class and I noticed these adorable old ladies walking arm in arm. They were identical twins, dressed identically in leopard print coats and yellow hats, purses, and accessories. Little girls coming out of their elementary school were excited to get to say hi to them. It was quite amusing.

So I mention this to Pete and he tells me they're pretty popular. Apparently so. I googled "san francisco twins" and got it immediately. In fact, they are so popiular that they are in Wikipedia!

I love this city.

Things That Are Hard To Do #1

Back in high school one of the people closest to me in my life was diagnosed with ALS. My basketball coach/hero/perfect family man role model started experiencing some problems controlling his arms and later found out he had Lou Gehrig's disease. In the years since, he has been confined to a bed and lost all but blinking motions and sharpness of mind. This amazing man gave everything to everyone in his community, and for awhile, everyone gave back. The school sponsored a trip to Disney, others helped him go hang out with his kids at a ranch in Texas, he got to meet his baseball heroes and Micheal Jordan. The last time I saw him I had a very difficult time sitting on the bed next to him talking and watching him not be able to respond or ask me questions. I tried really hard to forget, I think, and waited uneasily for the phone call that would tell me that the 5 year life sentence he'd been handed had finally expired. Well, it's been at least 2 years now since I last visited him, and 8 since he was diagnosed, and I read somewhere on the internet that his full time nursing staff would accept phone calls and relay a message to him. So today I called.

I was completely unprepared to talk to him. I updated him on everything I could before I got stupid and awkward and he signaled to the nurse I was finished. It was ridiculous. I couldn't even be strong for 10 minutes. The biggest part of me was just fighting my anger at his wife for moving out of his home and taking her children with her. Part of me understands, but another part of me is irate that she could give up on him. Perhaps she made the best choice for her children. I won't understand unless I'm in that situation, but it kills me that anyone could abandon this incredible person. Maybe that's not the case at all. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions...but all I wanted to do during that conversation was cry and hug him as hard as I could.

I feel that I'm a horrible person for allowing myself to feel any pain in this. Like, what's actually affecting me life? I feel guilty for not talking longer. I feel guilty for not being there. Back in college I wrote papers on ALS and thought maybe I'd even go into research on it. Now it rarely crosses my mind.

So perhaps this is my little bit of outreach. Please, please, please take a moment to read a little about ALS. Take a moment to think about how lucky you are to be able to move around and get out of bed. Take a moment to imagine what it would be like to be trapped in a dying body you couldn't use, but still be able to think as clearly as you do today. And take a moment to spread a little bit of love...with a smile, a touch, a nice word....

Be thankful.

Tonight's Crappy Drama

So today is a beautiful day, and Pete and I decide to go out for a nice relaxing dinner after what has been an incredibly difficult and stressful past three weeks. Dealing with issues—including my compensation, my job altogether, Pete’s work, my finances, our apartment hunt, friends going through big bad breakups, and my boss’ family dynamics (of which I get thrown into the middle)—has really taken it’s toll on us.

We’re sitting at dinner when I get a call from my boss saying the car I used is parked in front of a driveway. I’m shocked because neither of us noticed that last night when we parked it, and I can’t imagine that I would have missed it. She hangs up to go move the car (the cops are there telling her to move it), and calls me back a few minutes later. This time, though, she’s screaming at me that the ticket was $75, the car’s a pig sty, and the driveway was obvious. I immediately apologize and offer to go speak to the neighbor, pay the ticket, and clean out the car. She continues to yell at me and revokes my car priviledge.

So, obviously upset, we finish our “relaxing” dinner quickly and silently so that we can hurry home to fix it. We stop to buy an orchid for the neighbor whose driveway we blocked, and I add one of my nice flowerpots to make it look nice. I ask Pete to stay home and I go to my boss to get the info of the neighbor and to find out where the car is. She’s had time to calm down, and her fiancé is present, so she’s a bit calmer. She even tells me she isn’t mad at me. She shows me the note from the neighbor which says that the woman missed work because of this, and tells me how bad it was walking with the cops and having the woman stare her down while she moved the car. She keeps telling me how horrible it was and goes back and forth on what she wants from me. First she tells me that she just wants me to own up to it. When I remind her that I did right away, she says I should have explained it. When I tell her I offered an apology and a solution rather than an excuse, she says I have been using the car too casually. When I point out that she’s the one who told me to stop asking her every time I wanted to use it and that I could use it when I needed, she says that was probably her error. She keeps going on and on about how irresponsible this was, how messy the car was (“it’s a pig sty!) and that she can’t believe I couldn’t see it. I point out that most of the mess in the car is the stuff she had in the car, and she goes off about tons of papers and coke cans. Apparently I’m being irresponsible by only throwing my trash away once a week or so when I’m close enough to the house to use our recycling bin (when it’s not already full). I tell her that I do clean it out regularly and that it has never been messy when the kids are in the car. She finds something else to pick at. She makes it very clear that she assumes I was drinking, and that’s why I didn’t notice the driveway. I am livid at this point because I’ve been working for her and using the car for ten months…does she really think I’d do this now? I get really upset and basically finish trying to talk with her. I tell her I’m going to fix this and walk out.

First, I walk to the residence where we were parked. I meet the husband of the woman who was so upset. The guy is extremely nice and not mad at all. He was actually happy that we got the car and it didn’t get towed, and stated that while it was a big inconvenience, his wife overreacted. He appreciated my apology and the orchid, and said he would pass it on to his wife. She had actually gotten another ride to work and hadn’t come home yet. (So it wasn’t her staring my boss down.) The guy was totally sympathetic because it was quite obvious I was stressed, and said that he appreciated the gesture. Very nice man.

A bit about the garage: It’s a dark grey house with a dark grey garage. The door has no windows, no handles, and no easily defined lines that make it look like a garage door. It does, in fact, look like the side of a house. Next to the NARROW driveway, there is a big tree that makes it seem like it would be impossible to have a driveway there. I can totally see how I would have missed that at night. It was definitely not an obvious driveway. YES, I should have seen it. YES, I made a big bad mistake. I’m paying $75 for that mistake. Maybe that’s not enough…but still, it is just an honest mistake.

Next I go to clean out the car. I would like to make it very clear exactly what I pulled out of the car. First, I moved all of her shit into the back of the car. By that I mean half the mess that was in bags and snacks and whatnot that are hanging out back there. Then, I pull 2 cans of Fresca, 3 Diet Coke bottles, and 1 juice drink bottle (all empty and closed tight) out of the car. I throw away one napkin, take a plastic bowl out, and remove a small pile of about 5 sheets of paper (all documents I actually use). THIS was what was causing her anger. It took me about 2 seconds to clean up. Yes, this means I should have done it before…but honestly, was it worth that anger? Was it worth all of this?

I move out next month. That’s what I keep telling myself. The problem is, she’s my landlord, my boss here, and my boss in my full time job. This is gonna kill me. Moving out next month will help.

In the meantime, though, am I to be responsible for moving a car every few days for street cleaning when I’m not allowed to drive it? How do I approach that issue with her without fucking myself over? Any suggestions?

Long Time No Blog

And so much happened in that long long time.

Compensation is settled, apartment search is going well, blah blah...

Crappy stuff is going on tonight, so I'm just gonna share a bit of fun....

Wikipedia actually has a listing for Marina Girl! Rock on.

My New Roommate

Just also happens to be the most amazing boyfriend ever. Ack, we did it :)

almost...now we just have to get our OWN apartment that's big enough for all our stuff (or his stuff, I should say...I don't have nearly that much :))

Natural Disasters

Most of you have probably heard about the storms that ripped through the midwest this past weekend. The Chronicle even covered it in yesterday's paper.

Hundreds of homes and businesses were destroyed or damaged in Missouri alone by the tornadoes, high wind and hail as big as softballs. There were no immediate damage estimates across the Midwest.

These are a couple of the hailstones my nephew grabbed out of the bed of his truck when he got home Sunday.



And they all asked if I was scared of getting hit by earthquakes out here.

The Nobby Trees of San Francisco

Lining many of the residential streets of San Francisco, particularly in the Richmond and Pac Heights, are these cool looking trees that all look the same. Some of them have branches and leaves, but most of them are cut back in the winter to reveal nothing but a trunk and a bunch of nobs. A few weeks after I moved here I started asking what kind of trees those were, thinkin they MUST be the city tree or something. Nobody knew. I've told myself countless times that I'd google the nobby trees and finally did so.

They are...

the London Plane Tree (Platanus x acerifolia)



My quest is over.

Still a Bibiliophile

My favorite quote from Candy Freak:

Every now and again, I'll run into someone who claims not to liek chocolate or other sweets, and while we live in a country where everyone has the right to eat what they want, I want to say for the record that I don't trust these people, that I think something is wrong with them, and that they're probably--this must be said--total duds in bed.

This book also taught me that yankees don't know about Valomilks, Goo Goo Clusters, or Cherry Mash. How sad for you.

Now I'm on a mission to find Five Star candy bars, because we sure as heck don't have those in southern Missouri.

I Love Books

I've read a lot of great books recently. I really should dedicate an entire blog to each one, but it's just not going to happen. Devil in the White City was a suspenseful account of the rise of Chicago with the World's Fair (which included the invention of the ferris wheel), and one of the most prolific serial killers in the world. Them was a fascinating look into extreme groups from Ruby Ridge militia men to Ku Klux Klan members to radical muslims. Candy Freak was a yummy read about the candy bars that are being pushed out by Hersheys and Mars. You'll notice a trend here in that I haven't been reading fiction lately. I've been a bit bored by the novels I've begun, and decided to stick to more educational pieces. One book, though, recently changed my mind.

Kite Runner is by far one of the best novels I've ever read. It is the story of an Afghan boy/man and his values juxtapositioned against American values and those of the fundamentalists around him in his home country. READ IT! This book should be required reading for our time.

One of the smaller themes of the book, but one I found particularly beautiful, is summed up by something the father of the boy tells him early in the story:

Now, no matter what the mullah teaches, there is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft.

When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife's right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness.

There is no act more wrteched than stealing. A man who takes what's not his to take, be it a life or a loaf of bread...I spit on such a man.

If there's a God out there, then I would hope he has more important things to attend to than my drinking scotch or eating pork.

One of the larger themes is forgiveness, especially that of one's self:

I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.

And I'm not the only one who thinks this is the best book I've read in a long while:

Amazon says:

In his debut novel, The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini accomplishes what very few contemporary novelists are able to do. He manages to provide an educational and eye-opening account of a country's political turmoil--in this case, Afghanistan--while also developing characters whose heartbreaking struggles and emotional triumphs resonate with readers long after the last page has been turned over. And he does this on his first try.

...Hosseini has created characters that seem so real that one almost forgets that The Kite Runner is a novel and not a memoir. At a time when Afghanistan has been thrust into the forefront of America's collective consciousness ("people sipping lattes at Starbucks were talking about the battle for Kunduz"), Hosseini offers an honest, sometimes tragic, sometimes funny, but always heartfelt view of a fascinating land. Perhaps the only true flaw in this extraordinary novel is that it ends all too soon. --Gisele Toueg

Publishers Weekly offers the following review:

Hosseini's stunning debut novel starts as an eloquent Afghan version of the American immigrant experience in the late 20th century, but betrayal and redemption come to the forefront when the narrator, a writer, returns to his ravaged homeland.... The price Amir must pay...is just one of several brilliant, startling plot twists that make this book memorable both as a political chronicle and a deeply personal tale about how childhood choices affect our adult lives. The character studies alone would make this a noteworthy debut.... Add an incisive, perceptive examination of recent Afghan history and its ramifications in both America and the Middle East, and the result is a complete work of literature that succeeds in exploring the culture of a previously obscure nation that has become a pivot point in the global politics of the new millennium.

READ THIS BOOK!

I am a rockstar

I just came in 4th on a freeroll.

Granted, the payouts only went to the 3rd, but there were 403 people in the tournament and that means I hit 99th percentile.

Rockstar.

Improvements

So in my second big poker tournament, I placed 17th out of 575. That's 97th percentile, whereas the last one was 95th percentile. I'm pretty darn proud of my 2% improvement.

Although I can only dream of being as good as Pete.

Poker Goddess

Okay, so maybe not, but I did get interviewed for a chick poker website. Wanna see?

You'd think I'd been around for years, right?

Well, actually, I played in my first big online tournament yesterday. 1188 people to start. My goal was to come in top 400.
Guess what? I placed 63rd. Rockstar.

Rainy Days & Mondays

On this now nice but previously disgusting rainy day in SF, I am reminded how lucky I am to have a nice, understanding boyfriend.

My first driving experience in San Francisco, back in June, was horrific. I was not used to city driving, I was in a new car, AND it was raining. SF drivers aren't so great to begin with...partly because they are not everyday drivers, partly because of all the pedestrians, and partly just because of the urban impatience factor. But on rainy days, they rival first-time Mario-Karters.

That, and my intense fear of hitting some poor sap whose shoes couldn't stick to the sidewalk in all this water, led me to stay in this morning, after telling Pete I'd drive him to work. I made my tired boyfriend walk to the bus in the rain and deal with the motion sickness that evil muni drivers like to spread because I'm scared of the combination of this city, a motored vehicle, and wet roads.

I'm amazed he didn't break up with me on the spot.

My New Hero

Willie Nelson is no stranger to scandal. In the past couple of years, though, he has come back out of the hole he dug with his tax evasion issues to claim the spot he rightly owns on the short list of true country legends. With the death of Johnny Cash, Nelson is one of the few greats still recording music. He secured his spot by releasing duets performed with modern country stars, and then tested his stamina by offering a recording for the soundtrack to "Brokeback Mountain".

Well, Willie just couldn't restrain himself. He has now pushed the limit, and in my book, that makes him a hero.

Nelson just released a song about cowboys and homosexuality.


Too bad the Nelson fans out there are all gonna freak.

Part of me wants to send the article to my father, but I don't think I want to be responsible for his next heart attack.

F Words

Things the "F" could stand for:

Flu:
As Pete said in his comment, this seems most likely. I've got a weird bug that leaves me absolutely exhausted, sore like I worked out too hard, and a slight bit nauseous. it seems to be going around the house, so I'm going to assume it's a bit of a flu. Blah. Almost beter, though.

Fantastic Boyfriend:
My boyfriend is amazing. He takes such great care of me when I'm sick and makes my jaw lock in constant "awwww"s at how sweet he really is.

Fat/Flab/Fit:
Huge effort (perhaps a bettter one after the flu is gone) to get fit and make my fat go away. And it's gonna work, dammit.

Frenzy:
Cleaning frenzy, that is. Pete and I cleaned his kitchen Sunday. It's such a cute little kitchen when it's not messy! :)

Foolish:
Corey is foolish for using "Frisco" in his alliteration. Watch out, babe. Emperor Norton's ghost will find you and fine you!

First Place:
In my first ever poker tournament (online and with play money :)), I won first place. Yay for me!

or, it could just mean FUCK.

:)

I'm not a superstitious person

but I just lifted my bag and on the floor underneath was a big capital F made out of paper. Granted, when I picked it up and turned it over it was the remaining portion of the cardboard tape container, but it's still a big giant F, right side up and everything, just for me.

Should I be wondering what this means?

Why Tall Chicks Rock Reason #1

I'm starting with 1 because I think I'm actually going to keep this list. :)

We provide shade in sunny places.

Happy Monday

This has been the most lovely weekend.

I dogsat a friend's toy yorkie. Not my favorite dog, but it's fun for a couple of days when it's not my own. It was a nice little glimpse into how Pete and I will deal with having a pet together, and it was definitely fun having people constantly coming up to us to pet the dog.

My 3rd grade boys team did amazingly well at their game on Saturday, showing that they actually do listen to me occasionally. I was sooooo proud of them. I've got some great players when they want to play ball.

That night we hung out with the kiddos' dad and Carrie and played Katamari and chilled. It was so nice just to get to hang out with the kids and have a chill evening but still be having a great time.

Today we got up and made crepes. It was the first time I made anything other than dessert crepes, and they were fabulous. Then we took the yorkie to the park and played/read/kept her from trying to attack dogs that could swallow her without chewing. Tonight we made a nice dinner and Pete is currently making creme brulee for us. I have a fabulous boyfriend in a fabulous city. It's actually quite the fabulous weekend. Monday will be nice and floaty.

Yay.

My boss told me she wants to let me move out of the cottage whenever Pete and I are ready to get a place, even if that happens sooner than we thought. (The flip side is the she may want me out before Pete's lease is up, and that would be a bit of a problem.)

Ode to Bolivia

The Bolivian president just cut his salary in half, also mandating that all cabinet members' salaries would be capped at the same amount. Why? So the funds would be available to hire more public school teachers.

Not that Bolivia is a shining example of all that is great and advanced in the western world, but they certainly hold role models for our own politicians.

This is how it's done, boys.

I want a cat

I think I'll take this one.

Things you don't do until you're married #72

Tonight I cut Pete's hair. Wait...let me go back and say that I've never before cut a man's hair. I intended to do just a bit of a trim to get him away from the mullet look he was starting. Apparently he was under the impression that I was planning to do the whole thing. He got upset because he didn't want to go into the barber with "half a haircut" and have the barber mess it up because they hadn't seen the original. When I finally figured out that what he wanted me to do the layers and all, I finished it up and he went on his way. He's wonderfully sweet and is telling me that he thinks it's fine, but I'm not so sure he's not just being nice. I think it turned out rather well, myself. Ahh, well. Guess I'll have to wait until I have kids to torture them with my scissors.

As a child, my mother cut 8 inches off my hair in an attempt to even up the trim she started. I should have learned my lesson then.

I suppose I was trying to make up for the fact that I got Pete an appointment with a $70/cut stylist who didn't give him anything different than what he'd always had. I think I'll cut my losses now and just fork over the cash for him to get a nice one next time. :)

Attack of the Giant Woman

Someone once told me that anytime you see a giant woman stomping through a city on tv, you know someone with a giantess fetish is behind it. It was supposedly a fact in that strange little community that one of the guys who created the Suddenly Susan intro was part of the group. So now I've gotta wonder about the guys out here who are having a giant carpet sale somewhere in the city. I just saw a commercial that began with a news flash of a giant woman walking around SF. A tip of my hat to the giantess guys out there (the few that didn't freak me out anyway :)). Credits to Tim Stotz for the pic.

Ack!

I found more great big shoes!

locker posters

Sometimes I wish I was in high school just so I could cut pics out of magazines and tape them to the inside of my locker.

I think I've just developed a bit of a new celebrity crush. Josh Lucas, of Glory Road (and known for Sweet Home Alabama, although he's been in many great movies), was on Daily Show tonight, and is adorable.


He's from Arkansas and grew up with the same accent I had. He worked hard to get rid of it, and now regrets losing it. He has a difficult time playing a southern guy, he says (although he always seems to get those roles), because it's difficult to force the accent.

He also, as a southerner would, once laid out a man for disrespecting a lady.

Rock the fuck on.




I love my amazing boyfriend, but if I find myself using a locker anytime soon, next to the pic of he and I (around which I'll draw a heart and write M+P 4-Ever) I'll put up a pic of Josh Lucas.

Genetics of Autism

Researchers at the University of Utah have been exploring the genetics of autism, and recently confirmed that Chromosome 3 probably holds a gene that "causes" autism. I use the quotes because I think it's ridiculous to say that a gene causes the disease when researchers have shown again and again that autism is not entirely genetic. Autism cannot, in fact, be entirely genetic because over the past decade the disease has spread in epidemic proportions. While the cause of the rise in cases is unknown, it most certainly cannot be genetic. This leaves environmental factors. The most popular theory is mercury, in the form of thimerosal, in childhood vaccines. This is a hotly debated topic that I have addressed before, so I will not go into my rant on the bumbling idiocy and corruptness of our government in regards to the health of these children. Instead I'll point you to Evidence of Harm and Safe Minds to catch you up on the topic. I will add, however, that if the cause of autism was mercury in the vaccines, the rate of autism would go down when the mercury was removed. We now have proof in California that the rates have done just that. While the cause of the drop has not been confirmed, it is exactly what supporters of the mercury theory predicted.

I mention this because with the confirmation of a genetic link to autism, adversaries of the mercury theory are going to come out in droves stating we now have proof that it's not about vaccines. This is soooo not the case.

What the genetic link confirms is that some children have a biological propensity to get autism. One of the theories in the mercury explanation is that some children have a defect that leaves them unable to process the mercury as normal children do. This causes mercury to build up in the brain and leads to autism. IF that's true, this genetic link might cause the defect that causes mercury to accumulate. Regardless, the genetic link does NOT make autism a genetic disease. It simply leads us to the area that might make a child more susceptible to something in the environment that does cause autism.

Visitors

I'm so excited! I just booked Corey's ticket to come see me in March! I finally get to show this beautiful city to him. If you're out here, you can help me work on getting him to make the permanent move. :)

I'm so proud

my boyfriend is a rockstar

slippin' around

I lost interest in hockey when the NHL went on strike. Honestly, I just went without seeing a game for so long that I threw my interest into my other sports passion, baseball, and forgot all about the puck. With hockey back in play this year, you'd think the thought would have at least crossed my mind.

But what do you do when your team just stepped down from its pedestal?

sadness

Shoe Fetish

Someone FINALLY did it!

How many times have you walked into a shoe store, picked up a gorgeous pair of shoes, asked for a size 10 or higher just to have the salesperson say:
"Sorry we don't have your size"?
Well ladies, Taceri has your size and more.

This beautiful shoe

is in my size!

And so is this one


And this one!


Thank you, Taceri!

Taceri is a designer shoe line dedicated exclusively to women who wear sizes 10-14 medium. Our line is crafted in Brazil and is made of quality leathers and fine fabrics. We have something for everyone. These shoes will make any woman feel vibrant, sassy and confident. We think you will agree...

Now's the time to indulge, go ahead fulfill your passion, you are worth it.

Now, I've just got to keep myself from going broke. :) I could go broke on shoes. What a great problem to have!

waiting for the other shoe to drop

I'm in one of those moods that nobody really understands. It's making it difficult to do anything, much less make decisions about fun or productive things I could do with my evening.

This morning I was faced with the fact that my employer doesn't realize just how much I bring to my position. Most likely, I haven't shown her; and that, of course, is entirely my fault. I was a little stressed out over it, knowing that I would have to prove myself, but it wasn't a huge deal. Somehow, though, it grew as it festered in my mind today.

I loved my job at Happy Camper. I worked tons of overtime and still barely made it financially. I gained 40 pounds because of the stress and the laziness of sitting at a desk all day. I had no social life. But I loved it enough to consider sticking around.

Then I found out what my employers thought I was worth--or better, wasn't worth. It hurt like hell to have something I put so much of my heart into be devalued like that. I'm terrified of that happening again.

Spending the few days surrounding New Year's with Pete really brought out how happy I am. I've never been this happy for this long. I have a great job that pays enough for me to be financially responsible. I have an amazing boyfriend and (for the first time ever) no questions about when it's going to end. I'm closer to my family than I've ever been and they all seem to be getting along. I have great close friends who show me how much I mean to them. I'm even making friends here. This is absolutely incredible.

And that scares the bejeezus out of me.

My life doesn't go well. This doesn't happen. Parts of it go well while everything is falling to shit (sometimes--other times it just all falls to shit at once). Occasionally it looks like something might go well and then it blows up in my face, too. This happy/calm/stable thing just doesn't fit.

Tonight I had planned to stay home and clean and what not, but this evening I knew I needed to spend it with my boyfriend. At the same time, though, I was in a rotten mood and didn't really want to expose him to it. I wasn't quite sure, so I sent him a text telling him I'd like to hang out. When he wrote back that it wouldn't be bad for us to do our own thing tonight, I swear I got teary. It didn't have anything to do with him, just with the day and the fears and the big scary world out there or something. I let him know that I was in a weird mood and would like to spend some time with him, but I wasn't sure how fun I'd be. Being the great guy he is, he assured me that my mood wouldn't last for long once I was with him. He's right, and I knew that, so I hesitated again. Maybe I want to wallow in my misery. Maybe I just want to sit on my couch and watch something dumb that makes me cry and feel sorry for myself before waking up and realizing how great my life is and how fucked up I am for not shouting with joy instead of sitting here feeling sorry for myself.

Ultimately, the cute little kiddos I watch cheered me up enough at dinner to realize that I need to be out having fun and taking advantage of however long I've got left on this crazy happy streak. So off I am to see the best man I know. He'll make it better for awhile.

Listening for the thud.

Plagarist

So I haven't had anything original to say in a while. I really do believe I might catch up soon, but for now I have to admit that I could not possibly describe the transition from year to year as beautiful as Kendall:

Looking Back...

And so 2005 is gone. There's a certain danger in looking back over the last year. Do I regret anything? Did I learn anything? Am I better or worse off today than I was a year ago? And so the questions spill forth. I'm masterful at asking way too many questions and analyzing every little choice.

The cost of such a review, however, causes me to miss the moment. To make decisions on what was or what might have been instead of what is. Today was full of uncertainty, and I suppose at some level I should be grateful because with uncertainty comes opportunity to enjoy the moment.

flat on your back

Captive Kitties

Watch this slideshow!

The Christmas Report from Down Under

From This is True:

DREAMING OF A LIQUID CHRISTMAS: A gang of men dressed up as Santa Claus went on a rampage in Auckland, New Zealand, police say. The 40-50 St. Nicks were celebrating "Santarchy" and roamed the streets, where they allegedly threw beer bottles at cars and people, vandalized Christmas trees, shoplifted from stores, and were generally naughty, not nice. Their point? Contrary to press reports it was not to protest the commercialization of Christmas, said Auckland's Santarchy organizer, Alex Dyer. "It's not against anyone," he insisted. "We're just dressing up as Santa and getting drunk. We just like booze." (New Zealand Herald, NZPA) ...It's nice to know their motives are pure.

Dirty Scrabble

My fav words from this weekend:

quiver
tiger
ride
potent
wad
vulva
tornato (later corrected to be tornado)
spelunking

Happy Fuckin' New Year, Old Dudes!

Many ancient Egyptians marked the first month of the New Year by singing, dancing and drinking red beer until they passed out, according to archaeologists who have unearthed new evidence of a ritual known as the Festival of Drunkenness.

More...

Home

Home at last. And by home I mean San Francisco. But I'm not about to spend all my time home updating just yet, so here's a little stocking stuffer to help you get through the drought. These cuties are loving their Christmas presents:

Snow

It's snowing here. I forgot how cold Missouri was in late December. I'm such a wuss now. Went out and bought hats, but have yet to find a nice pair of gloves. A peril of having long fingers.

Went to a bar last night called Missie B's with a drag show. Fun show, especially with all the WET PUSSIES I had. Rock on.

Sidekicks is a country-western gay bar that we'll venture to another time, but didn't have the pleasure of last night. Corey described the drag queens there as Shania, Reba, or Wynona, depending on weight. Can't wait for that one.

Off to curl up with my gay and watch a gay Christmas movie. Can't believe that's what I do when I leave San Francisco.

Enjoy your un-coldness, SFers.

While I'm Away

I thought I'd share some cuteness.

Kitty Salad


Guard Dog



Dog Food?


More to come :)

HOME

I'm going home for the holidays!

Mom, Corey, Gatsby, grits, chicken fried steak, lebkuchen, snow that I can leave behind, and my OWN car!

Rock on!

oh yeah...that means no blogs for a bit :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PETE!

I'm posting the following links here rather than sending cards for two reasons:

A) Apparently all the good e-cards are now through a paid service. (When did the funny as hell free ones go away?)

and 2) I can never decide on just one. :)

Happy, birthday, baby! :) Enjoy!

Ducky duck

Bird Poop

Donner and Blitzen

Why I'm Proud of Wash U, Reason #4

Four days after I was born, U2 played their first ever show in St. Louis.
Where, you ask? Mississippi Nights?
Nope.
Blueberry Hill?
Nope.
Ready?

Graham Chapel, at Wash U! On the same stage where the Mosaic Whispers perform. The same stage where thousands of wustl alum have been married. The same stage where many a talented (and often not so talented) speaker has filled the heads of students and retired society attending Assembly lecture events.

And after the show they went to have a few pints of Guiness at, of course, Blue Hill.

If only I'd have been at Wash U back in those days. :)

My Sister is Cool

Because she sent me this quote:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, whiskey in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Generosity

I gave a dollar to a homeless man because I wanted to pet his cat.

Grace No More

I resent Corey's latest post! :)

Just because we're still not sure of the sexual orientation of four or five (or more?) of my exes does NOT mean I'm attracted to gay men. :) Or does it? Shit!

I think the tomboy in me just needed a balancer for a while. Now I've found that fem side, thanks, and I don't need anymore help. Thank God Pete is hairy, at least as messy as me, so not into clothes, and into guy gadgets...no questions on his orientation. :) In fact, we may need the Fab Five to come help out on this one. I LOVE it!

I'm so thankful to have a boyfriend that (without a doubt) will never be into Corey!

Correction

Lord knows how I got this wrong, but apparently I've made a mistake on the date of my arrival into San Francisco. My loving ex-roommate informed me that I moved here on June 4th. I was sure he must be wrong (how could I forget such a momentous occasion?), but he's absolutely right. So my 6 month anniversary was December 4th. Can't believe I forgot that.

Thanks, Corey.

Semi-Anniversary

As of yesterday, I've been a San Francisco resident for 6 months!

The Anti-Diet

I did the carb diet back in high school. I did the calorie watching in college. They worked, but they don't stick. If you're on a diet, it won't last forever. At some point you go off the diet.

The changes have to be a lifestyle. Yeah, sure, there are people who can eliminate things that make my knees go weak (chocolate chip cookies, anyone?) from their diets permanently, but I'm not one of those. No matter how healthy my lifestyle, I will always need chocolate, I will always drink some alcohol, and I'll always be a bread and pasta freak. So diets always ultimately fail.

A few days ago I had several discussions with various people about our bodies' ability to tell us what we need. For example, even my friend who is a vegetarian craves red meat sometimes. He knows that when he has one of those urges, he needs to either eat a bunch of spinach or take an iron pill. A lot of women feel a major need for red meat during menstruation. That's because we lose iron when we lose blood, and we need to replenish. Most people can tell when they've had too much starch and crave veggies or meat instead. This is the idea behind intuitive eating:

Professor loses weight with no-diet diet

By BROCK VERGAKIS
Associated Press Writer

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) -- When Steven Hawks is tempted by ice cream bars, M&Ms and toffee-covered almonds at the grocery store, he doesn't pass them by. He fills up his shopping cart.

It's the no-diet diet, an approach the Brigham Young University health science professor used to lose 50 pounds and to keep it off for more than five years.

Hawks calls his plan "intuitive eating" and thinks the rest of the country would be better off if people stopped counting calories, started paying attention to hunger pangs and ate whatever they wanted.

As part of intuitive eating, Hawks surrounds himself with unhealthy foods he especially craves. He says having an overabundance of what's taboo helps him lose his desire to gorge.

There is a catch to this no-diet diet, however: Intuitive eaters only eat when they're hungry and stop when they're full.

That means not eating a box of chocolates when you're feeling blue or digging into a big plate of nachos just because everyone else at the table is.

The trade-off is the opportunity to eat whatever your heart desires when you are actually hungry.

"One of the advantages of intuitive eating is you're always eating things that are most appealing to you, not out of emotional reasons, not because it's there and tastes good," he said. "Whenever you feel the physical urge to eat something, accept it and eat it. The cravings tend to subside. I don't have anywhere near the cravings I would as a 'restrained eater.'"

"You definitely lose weight on a diet, but resisting biological pressures is ultimately doomed," Hawks said.

...overweight at a new job at BYU, Hawks decided it was time for a lifestyle change.

He stopped feeling guilty about eating salt-and-vinegar potato chips. He also stopped eating when he wasn't hungry.

Slowly and steadily his weight began to drop. Exercise helped.

"I was pretty skeptical of the idea you could eat anything you wanted until you didn't feel like it. It struck me as odd," said Peck, who is an assistant professor at BYU.

But 11 months later, Peck sometimes eats mint chocolate chip ice cream for dinner, is 35 pounds lighter and a believer in intuitive eating.

"There are times when I overeat. I did at Thanksgiving," Peck said. "That's one thing about Steve's ideas, they're sort of forgiving. On other diets if you slip up, you feel you've blown it and it takes a couple weeks get back into it. ... This sort of has this built-in forgiveness factor."

"The one thing all diets have in common is that they restrict food," said Michael Goran, an obesity expert at the University of Southern California. "Ultimately, that's why they usually fail," he said.

"At some point you want what you can't have," Goran said. Still, he said intuitive eating makes sense as a concept "if you know what you're doing."

In a small study published in the American Journal of Health Education, Hawks and a team of researchers examined a group of BYU students and found those who were intuitive eaters typically weighed less and had a lower risk of cardiovascular disease than other students.

He said the study indicates intuitive eating is a viable approach to long-term weight management and he plans to do a larger study across different cultures. Ultimately, he'd like intuitive eating to catch on as a way for people to normalize their relationship with food and fight eating disorders.

"Most of what the government is telling us is, we need to count calories, restrict fat grams, etc. I feel like that's a harmful message," he said. "I think encouraging dietary restraint creates more problems. I hope intuitive eating will be adopted at a national level."

I believe I'll try this out. I'll let you know how it works for me.

Surprises

So the surprise Friday night was an amazing dinner at Acme Chophouse and the adventure of Cirque de Soleil: Corteo.

Dinner was great, even though our waitress ruined the surprise by asking if we were going to Cirque right away. Cirque was even better. Truly enchanting. We sat in the 6th or 7th row. If you haven't gone to a Cirque de Soleil show I STRONGLY encourage you to go--even if it's just once. It was a combination of an opera, a ballet, an a gymnast exhibition. Absolutely beautiful.

Wonderful night. Wonderful boyfriend.

Life is good.

Personality Tests...

...Are usually fairly vague so as to be correct with just about anyone. This one is pretty damn detailed. And surprisingly accurate on most fronts.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Stability |||||||||||||| 56% Orderliness |||||||||| 40% Accommodation |||||||||||| 50% Interdependence |||||||||||| 43% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 76% Mystical |||||| 23% Artistic |||| 16% Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Hedonism |||||||||||||| 56% Materialism |||||||||||| 50% Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 63% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||| 76% Work ethic |||||||||||||| 56% Self absorbed |||||||||||||| 56% Conflict seeking |||||| 30% Need to dominate |||||||||||||| 56% Romantic |||||||||||||||| 63% Avoidant |||||| 30% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50% Wealth |||||| 23% Dependency |||||||||||||||| 63% Change averse || 10% Cautiousness |||||||||||| 50% Individuality |||||||||||| 43% Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 63% Peter pan complex |||||| 30% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Physical Fitness |||| 17% Histrionic |||||| 23% Paranoia |||||||||||| 43% Vanity |||||||||||||||| 63% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 70%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com


Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were very high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, unpredictable, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, craves attention, social chameleon, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, vain, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting

A New Age

As if singing new agey stuff wasn't weird already, Enya has taken it to a new level. Randy Cunningham reports in This is True:

Irish singer Enya, who has sung in Gaelic and Latin, has rejected those languages for her newest album as not quite eclectic enough. Forget English; that's "a little bit obtrusive", she says. Thus, three tracks on her latest album are sung in Loxian. Not familiar with that tongue? That's because she made it up: it's "a futuristic language from a distant planet," she says. "It seems to choose elements at random," says Terry Dolan, a professor of English at University College Dublin.' The resulting "language" has "no form of grammar or word order," Dolan says, which provides "very limited comprehensibility." (London Times)

Because You Stink

The World Health Organization enacted a new policy to stop hiring smokers yesterday. The job application now includes a question about tobacco use, and if the applicant answers that they do in fact use tobacco, WHO will not hire them.
Major move.

Can you imagine in a few years that the kids won't be scared of pot showing up in their urine test, but nicotine?

Why I Like My Boyfriend reason #78

Tonight I'm meeting my amazing man to go out to...

well, I don't know what it is we're doing, actually. He's concocted some little surprise scheme and won't tell me a thing.

Boy am I intrigued :)

Perhaps this blog should be titled "how to keep Monika interested"

More Pam Houston

Some quotes from Houston's novel Sight Hound:

She's felt so bad for so long she don't know good when it's bubbling right out of her. And even when she catches up to it, she's waiting for whatever bad thing is about to happen next.

--------------------------------------

She was happy again. She was, if the truth be told, happier than she had ever been. She bought throw pillows, for example, and buying throw pillows is in my experience the single best indicator that a female human being is feeling pretty good.

--------------------------------------

If I had a daughter, I would tell her what a funny thing love is, how it never looks the way you think it's going to, how no matter how old you get, it is love that keeps surprising you. How in the songs sometimes it involves beaches and champagne and chocolate-covered roses, but in real life it is just a prematurely balding man standing in a drought-dried field telling you that he loves you, and that you should do whatever on earth you want.

--------------------------------------

She wasted so much time trying to act perfectly, trying to guard against the loss, always fearful of making the mistake that would lead to it.

Sometimes, no matter what we do, the good thing happens anyway.

The only life worth living is a life full of love; that loss is always part of the equation; that love and loss conjoined are the best opportunity we ever get to live fully, to be our strongest, our most compassionate, our most graceful selves.

--------------------------------------

Pam Houston always says it best.

When I Think About Love

I think about babies

I think about that scene in Love Actually where the guy admits he's in love with his best friend's new bride and then lets it go

I think about Lindsey

I was fortunate enough to be one of the first people on the west coast to see the big screen version of RENT at 12:01 this morning, and I get to see it again today.

Go see it!

Reasons I Miss College #433

Wash U Women's Basketball:



Yep, that tall goofy one in the back is me!


Linz got nostalgic and posted her fav wustl print.


This is mine:


Alia was my hero...I wanted so badly to be able to throw girls out of the way like that. Check out that face.

Rock on.

Take a Chill Pill, Man!

A Better Search Engine?

Okay, so we all know Google is the best search engine. I get that.

But here's a novel idea...maybe, just once in awhile, we do something because it helps someone else.


That's the idea behind Good Search. Before you hit the search button, you choose a charity. Your searches direct money from advertisers to your chosen charity. It uses Yahoo, which means you probably don't want to use it when you're doing a detailed search for some obscure thing you can't find anywhere. But when you're looking up that cool new restaurant...why not use Good Search?

Weebl Rocks

If you don't know who Weebl is, you should find out. I've had them listed in my links from the beginning. What you probably do know, however, is the Kenya flash animation.

Remember now?

Well, now you can make your own t-shirts and buy Kenya plush creatures!

Rock on niche cultures.

I'm not a slacker!

It's been one of those weekends where Monday actually becomes your rest day because the weekend was so packed full of fun things. That's great, of course, but it also means I didn't blog.

I promise a post tonight!

Here's some foreshadowing:

grrrrrrr

lucky girl

Recently I stood at the top of Twin Peaks with friends and marvelled at how easily one can forget the amount of water surrounding our beautiful city. I pointed out that I can go weeks without seeing water and it still takes my breath away when I encounter the beach, the bay, or the marina. My friend thought it odd that anyone could live in this city and not see the water all the time. Granted, if you work in the financial district, if you hang out near the marina, or if you're lucky enough to live atop one of the grant hills that has an ocean view, you see the water every day. I, however, live in Laurel Heights, work in Presidio Heights, and hang out most frequently in Nob Hill, Pac Heights, and Polk Gulch. I only see the water when I make an effort to do so, or when I make plans to meet a lucky friend who works somewhere with a view.

Given that every time I see the water I feel instantly at peace and happy, I figured I needed to see it more often.

Today I took a different route to work in an effort to find the entrance to a playground listed on my map. I found that if I walk a couple of extra blocks and one extra hill, I get the same view as the lovely Presidio Heights mansions. Today I stopped and admired the bay full of sailboats (oh to be a sailor on a Friday afternoon) before I came into the office to tackle the paperwork on my desk.

Other perks to this route include the following:

a lack of strollers and a significant decrease in other foot traffic
beautiful mansions to admire along the way
ego boosts from construction works and painters who are constantly refurbishing these lovely homes
fewer asshole drivers running through stop signs (and crosswalks)

and of course...
the reminder that I live in the most beautiful city in the world

Not such a bad way to start a day. :)

Words

You wonder why there's no word for the opposite of lonely. You wonder if there's a difference between whatever might be truth and a performance that isn't a lie. In your life right now, you can't find one.

~Pam Houston

Breaking News

Squirrels can be cute!

I will follow you into the dark

I wasn't particularly excited about the Death Cab For Cutie show, and I didn't think it was all that amazing...until the encore. They started with an acoustic version of I Will Follow You Into The Dark. The performance was amazing. The moment was perfect--the voice, the audience singing slowly along, the incredible man holding my hand--truly amazing.

Empowering the Prey

Dateline did a special--To Catch a Predator--in which representatives from Perverted Justice, an organization dedicated eradicating sexual exploitation of children, pretended to be adolescents on the internet and invited grown men over for (presumably for sex after the men initiated explicit conversations). When the men arrived, the Dateline anchor greeted them with cameras and questions. The men caught on tape included a high school teacher, a rabbi, a special education teacher, a doctor, and many others one would expect to be trustworthy. The methods used and actual accomplishments of the piece, particularly in regard to the humiliation of the rabbi, garnered a great deal of media. People were upset that these men had their lives destroyed because of this television show.

Okay, people--wake the hell up! These men, including the rabbi (although that doesn't bother me nearly as much as the thought of the teachers) showed up at a house intending to have sex with a 12-14 yr old! Many of them (including the rabbi) even brought condoms! They don't deserve a bit of humiliation?

The point of the piece was not to humiliate these men. The point was to make you aware that they exist, and that they could be anyone.

Know your predators. Find out who lives near your home. Know those who interact with your children and loved ones. It's amazing to think that someone you pass everyday could be the guy who ruined little Sally's life last week. Go to Family Watchdog and know their faces.

It's not about humiliation of tragic men. It's about eradication of repulsive detrimental behavior.

That Lemon-Pine Scent

I was only gone for thirty hours, but thirty hours can be a long, long time.

I was reminded of my need to be a practicing Christian in a no-pressure environment.
I had a religious conversation with a Missouri-bred reformed fundamentalist evangelical Christian. I was reminded that the liberal-ness of SF has far more pros than cons. I had begun to miss church and the Christian community. I was starting to think I couldn't find it out here and that maybe we had the right idea back home. I was convincingly reminded how few people there are back home who can maintain a true Christian life with the pressures from the Church to be judgmental and exclusive. I'm thankful to have met someone who shared so many beliefs while reminding me how lucky I am to have escaped that mindset.

I jump-started my career.
I now have two people who have agreed to mentor me. I met an executive coach who gave me great tips on how to lead. The best? "Leaders don't wait for other to tell them what to do. Leaders create their own careers. You are a natural leader. Shape your position how you see fit." He told me I was dynamic and could convince people of what I wanted, then watched me prove it as I worked the room. I created a network of people who will help me get where I want to be. I found support for many of the ideas I want to bring into my current position. I was inspired to do accomplish so much more.

I came home.
Home.
After a foggy day in Santa Monica (what happened to sunny southern cali? I could have gotten that weather here) I arrived back in the city only to be surprised by the sweetest man I've ever known at the airport. Demonstrating just how well he knows me, he was waiting with a chocolate chip cookie and a musical ride home. Lying in the arms of this great man later in the night, listening to the traffic on Nob Hill, I once again (as I had so long ago in the surf at Sutro Baths) experienced that feeling of being utterly at home. at Home.

Now I'm sitting in my office-
after it's just been cleaned
on this beautiful foggy San Francisco day,
taking in the smells of fresh air and PineSol-
excited to live the next few moments,
years,
decades.

Life is good.

Watch me go.

It's a Blog Thing

In response to Pistol Pete's latest post, I explored www.blogthings.com. I agree with Pete that the results of the birthdate test are dead on. Although we all know how these things work, it's always nice to read a silly online quiz that's right.

Your Birthdate: March 27

You are a spiritual soul - a person who tries to find meaning in everything. (to the point that I annoy people) You spend a good amount of time meditating, trying to figure out life. (to the point that I annoy more people) Helping others is also important to you. You enjoy social activities with that goal. You are very generous and giving. Yet you expect very little in return. (Relay For Life, anyone? Walk Far for N.A.A.R? A whole career dedicated to non-profits!) Your strength: Getting along with anyone and everyone (yep) Your weakness: Needing a good amount of downtime to recharge (remember my self-imposed isolation?) Your power color: Cobalt blue Your power symbol: Dove Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Mandy Forward #53

Latest study

A UCLA Dept. of Psychiatry study has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire. Further studies are expected.

Once again...

...Ani says it best

and you were not a dot dot dot
waiting for me to complete you
and it was like i just forgot
to measure everything that i do

we woke up with the notion
that enough is not enough without more
and then we pushed with one motion
like the ocean heaves a wave at the shore

and you were not a dot dot dot
leaning forward expectantly
and i was not in such a rush
to insure my autonomy

Catholocism is Looking Better Day by Day

From This is True:

SLIPPERY SLOPE: A new "teaching document" issued by the Roman Catholic bishops of England, Wales and Scotland warns that Catholics should not take the Bible literally -- that it's not infallible. "We should not expect to find in Scripture full scientific accuracy or complete historical precision," they say in the booklet, "The Gift of Scripture". So what sorts of things aren't accurate? Creation, for one. Genesis, they note, has two different, and sometimes conflicting, creation stories and cannot be considered "historical." Rather, the bishops say, it simply contains "historical traces." (London Times)
...Don't even get them started on Leviticus 11:6.

Separation of Church and State

Forbidding prayer in public schools is understandable.

Forbidding Bible studies in a dorm room, though?

The University of Wisconsin at Eau Claire has banned RAs from leading Bible studies in their rooms. The fear, apparently, is that residents may find their RAs unapproachable if they know they are religious.

Penraker had this (and so much more) to say:

There is a name for this. It is called bigotry. It is called prejudice.

But of course, this is not about "approachability" Truth be told, they decided to try and shut down his personal, private exercise of religion. The bible study, all by itself - its mere existence - offended them. They are using the cover of "unapproachability" as a shield by which they can attack religious practice.

The letter from the college administration says RA's can do whatever they want off campus. So if an RA was a bible-thumping, hell-raising, gay-baiting preacher outside the dorm, if he was leading anti-gay marches, suddenly he would hvae become "approachable" as long as it was outside the dorm. Clearly, the place that the activity takes place does not matter. What matters is the individual, and how they treat others. What matters whether they are in fact approachable or not. Not whether they hold bible studies.

And if being approachable to all students is the standard, how about a young Republican who leads a meeting of other Young Republicans in his room? Presumably this would cause some at college to consider him an unapproachable cretin. What about someone who regularly has people over to watch NASCAR races? That's an indication of red-neckery, sure to put someone off. What about a jock? Some people don't like jocks. What about an RA who plays the accordion. Some people don't like that. Things get silly real quick.

From the other side of the pole: What about an RA who ignores some of her charges because she is putting on a performance of the Vagina Monologues?

From FIRE's letter to the University:

[In a letter to the university,] FIRE . . . pointed out a 2004 article in UWEC’s student newspaper in which the Office of Housing and Residence Life praised an RA who for three years in a row staged the controversial feminist play The Vagina Monologues as an official “residence hall activity.” This praise came despite the RA’s acknowledgement that “with the Vagina Monologues…she [did not have] as much time as she would have liked for her wing.” . . .

I would be willing to bet that scads of Christian students found THAT RA "unapproachable".

It now becomes clear - they aren't trying to be even handed and take care of their students. They were jumping at every conceivable chance to punish the practice of traditional Christian religion -something the Constitution has guaranteed the free exercise of.

If the kid had been leading Yoga classes, or chanting Hari krishna, nothing would have been done. If he had been making pornos with students on his floor, nothing would have been done (well, at least at the UC San Diego) . But he has engaged in the most unforgivable crime of the twentieth century: He has attempted to practice his religion on a college campus.

When arguments regarding the separation of church and state get play in the media, they always focus (in the US, anyway) on removing religion's hold over state domains (i.e. no prayer in a public school b/c a child should be free to attend without having God thrown in his face). What about when state is asserting its hold over religion, though? If the state really is separate, a public school should not be able to control the religious activities of a student as long as those activities are not forced upon unwilling participants in a public place. A voluntary gathering of believers in a personal space should be out of the control of the state.

And c'mon, Wisconsin. We expect this from our liberal states...but you've got the midwest thing going. If San Francisco hasn't banned it, how can you be the first?

On second thought, it's highly possible that no RA in San Francisco has ever held a Bible study in his room.

Hrmm.

Blogging for a Living

When the blog craze hit hard, many politically-minded people actually started earning an income by posting their analyses of various current events. It is not often, however, that a woman writing about her life as a stay-at-home mom is able to do the same. Heather Armstrong, creator of Dooce.com, is doing just that. Heather recently redesigned her blog to allow ad space so that she would be able to make her living through blog. The kicker here is that she's actually able to do it. Some of her readers are a bit unhappy about the "sell-out." Personally, I think the Liz Phairesque controversy is ridiculous. If the ads bug you that much, stop reading the blog. Go read another blog without ads that isn't entertaining enough to obtain sponsorship. Seriously, kids, if you can't focus on the writing, perhaps it's time to go get some ritalin. If you really love Heather's blog, show your support by making sure you continue to visit it frequently. The more we visit, the more the sponsors will pay, the more time Heather will be able to devote to writing, the more we get to read...it's a nice little cycle.

So go, go now!

Religion and Science

Maybe I should be Catholic. Now they're promoting science.

Google Kicks Even MORE Ass

check out google's book text search

yeah.

Just to Set the Record Straight

flake:

(verb, oftenly used with "out") - To decide not to go at the last second; To "ditch" or "bail out."

n. An unreliable person; someone who agrees to do something, but never follows through

As a noun, it is a person who is completely fake. They constantly need attention and must be liked by everyone, even if it means stabbing someone else in the back to do it (as long as the other person doesn't find out, and if they do, everything can be solved by a *hug*).

n. - someone who is unreliable.



unreliable:

adj 1: liable to be erroneous or misleading; "an undependable generalization" [syn: undependable] 2: not to be trusted [syn: undependable] 3: not worthy of reliance or trust; "in the early 1950s computers were large and expensive and unreliable"; "an undependable assistant" [syn: undependable] [ant: reliable] 4: dangerously unstable and unpredictable; "treacherous winding roads"; "an unreliable trestle" [syn: treacherous] 5: lacking a sense of responsibility


Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. ~Sicilian Proverb