In horror movies we know that when things get calm and quiet we can expect something scary to jump out and shake us up again. It's always at that point in our lives when we get calm after the storm, when we think things are finally moving forward, when we think Thank God, this might finally be the end, that Old Ghosts come back to get in one last spook.

Where's that damn remote control?

homesick

It's not that I want to be home or that home offers me anything better than my beautiful new city. I love San Francisco, but San Francisco is lacking a couple of really important things. At home, when a day is a little too long or the mood just isn't right, I can head to Mom's house, curl up on the couch next to her, and cuddle Gatsby in my lap. Here there's no home, there's no Mom, there's no Gatsby. At the very least I could curl up with Corey and his kitty back in Springfield. Here I don't even have the roommate or the substitute pet. I used to call these teddy bear moods--moods that make you want to curl up and be a little melancholy but you might not really know why. Here, I just call it homesick because it reminds me of my cuddly comforts hiding back in Missouri.

Anyone wanna loan me a cuddly cat or a nice big dog?

Jackfruit

The jackfruit is moderately large to very large, weighing from 10 to 60 pounds. A few cultivars are small fruited, weighing 3 to 10 pounds (1.4-4.5 kg) each. The skin is extremely rough and thick. Fruit skin color is green when immature and green, greenish yellow to brownish-yellow when ripe. The inside of the fruit contains the edible, sweet, aromatic, crispy, soft or melting pulp that surrounds each seed. Between the seeds and edible pulp is the inedible "rag". Pulp color varies from amber to yellow, dark yellow or orange.

It's also good in shakes. :)

Linzer's Take on My City

Lindsey visits the Bay Area for work rather frequently. This is what she posted after her latest trip here:

Beautiful. San Francisco. Sweet Lord, Mona, you are right. Went to Sausalito for dinner tonite. Ate spring rolls and salmon at this little place on the water and watched all of the ships cutting in and out of the bay. Little curly ribbons of road wound tightly up the sides of the green mountains. It was impossibly beautiful. The smell of the air was salty, mingled with something else cedary and wonderful. Then we drove up the coast to Muir Woods, home of the giant Redwoods. Breathtaking. Dizzying to look to the tops of the massive trees. I felt at any second those things would come to life and say in a booming Lord of the Rings voice "The park closes at eight". Some of those trees are almost two thousand years old. Foggy, flowery, lush, named after the cookie. Sausalito. I will honeymoon there. Amazing.

Places usually don't affect me that much.

Even my flight out to SF was clear and I could see the country from 15,000 ft. Dry desert, green patches of irrigation, river-carved canyons, mountains that look like rumples in my bed sheets. It was like a painting. So beautiful. So just for me.

As I sat on the plane, I was reading "Mathematics: Is God Silent?"

The answer is most definitely no.

Giving a Bad Name to Animal Rights Activists

The following story is from This is True dated 17 July 2005. It is
Copyright 2005 Randy Cassingham, all rights reserved, and reprinted here
with
permission:

"Ethical" Defined

After more than 100 dead dogs were dumped in a trash dumpster over
four weeks, police in Ahoskie, N.C., kept an eye on the trash receptacle
behind a supermarket. Sure enough, a van drove up and officers watched
the occupants throw in heavy plastic bags. They detained the two people
in the van and found 18 dead dogs in plastic bags in the dumpster,
including puppies; 13 more dead dogs were still in the van. Police say
the van is registered to the headquarters of People for the Ethical
Treatment of Animals, and the two occupants, Andrew B. Cook, 24, and
Adria Joy Hinkle, 27, identified themselves as PETA employees. An autopsy
performed on one of the dogs found it was healthy before it was killed.
Police say PETA has been picking up the animals -- alive -- from North
Carolina animal shelters, promising to find them good homes. Cook and
Hinkle have been charged with 62 felony counts of animal cruelty. In
response to the arrests PETA President Ingrid Newkirk said it's against
the group's policy for employees to dump animals in the trash, but "that
for some animals in North Carolina, there is no kinder option than
euthanasia." (Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald) ...Oops, my mistake: that's
"Playing God" Defined.

In his author's notes section, Cassingham had more to say about this
story:

The more I learn about PETA, the less I think of
them. The story of them killing animals isn't even unusual. According to
PETA's own filings, in 2004 PETA killed 86.3 percent of the
animals entrusted to its care -- a number that's rising, not falling.
Meanwhile, the SPCA in PETA's home town (Norfolk, Va.) was able to find
loving homes for 73 percent of the animals put in its care. A shortage of
funds? Nope: last year PETA took in $29 million in tax-exempt donations.
It simply has other priorities for the funds, like funding terrorism
(yes, really). But don't take my word for it: I got my figures from
http://www.PETAkillsAnimals.com
-- and they have copies of PETA's state and federal filings to back it
up. The bottom line: if you donate money to PETA because you think they
care for and about animals, you need to think some more. PETA literally
yells and screams about how others "kill animals" but this is how
they operate? Pathetic.

And you know what I wonder? PETA's official count of animals
they kill is 86.3 percent. But if they're going around picking up
animals, killing them while they drive around and not even giving them a
chance to be adopted, and then destroying the evidence by dumping
the bodies in the trash, are those deaths being reported? My
guess: no. While 86.3 percent is awful, the actual number is probably
much, much higher. How dare they lecture anyone
about the "ethical" treatment of animals!

(This is True is a weekly column featuring
weird-but-true news
stories from around the world, and has been published since 1994. Click
the link for info about free subscriptions.)

Jon Stewart is My Hero

He interviewed Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. about the link between thimerosal in vaccines and autism. Thank God. Thing of how many people watch The Daily Show...now all of them have been exposed to this public health disaster. Everybody with a vested interest in public health, developmental disorders, or battles against political bodies should read Evidence of Harm, by David Kirby. Just read it.

soft feet

Ever since I've moved to the city I've started the nightly process of making sure my feet aren't all black from walking around in flip flops all day. I just found the best solution. Running on the beach! My feet are soft and clean and perfect :) It also makes it rather fun to do something I dislike so much :)

Yay!

Music of the Night

I want to hate Andrew Lloyd Weber just to avoid being cliche.

I want to, but I can't. Phantom of the Opera is brilliant and beautiful and is going to playing over and over in my head all night.

The Phantom of the Opera is inside my mind.

Levitation

When I was a little girl, I recall watching David Copperfield fly on television. My father said there was only one explanation--that Copperfield must have sold his sould to the devil.

David Blaine freaks me out to no end.

This levitation thing he does spooks the shit out of me. So I decided to do some research. Here's what I found:

Blaine has two types of levitation. One he does all the time and he rises up about 3 or 4 inches with his back to his audience. This is called Balducci levitation, and is actually quite well known. Apparently it's all in the build-up.

The other type he does, where he rises two feet in the air, is a trick of cameras and props. He only does this one in tv specials.

So now I know :) Not nearly as freaked out. knowledge is power

Missouri in the Media

I watched Million Dollar Baby tonight.

Great movie, but really, Clint Eastwood's acting is a bit too melodramatic.

Anyway, Hillary Swank's character is from southwest Missouri, near my hometown. This is noteworthy because of the accent she has in the movie. Everybody asks me why I learned not to talk with the accent from home. Watch Million Dollar Baby and you'll understand.

Knowing is Half the Battle

I admit it. I have a problem.

In situations with new people, I come across as a self-centered bitch.

Honestly, I want to learn about other people, but for whatever reason, I continually bring the conversation back to me. It's an honest mistake that has grown into a very bad habit. I want so much to open myself up and show others who I am that I go overboard and shove it down their throats. Not good.

To all of you who have thought, gosh she likes to talk about herself...

I sincerely apologize.

I'm a work in progress.

I told you so

It's one of those most dreaded phrases...especially when you have to hear it from yourself.

When you meet someone, and you see the signs, you really should just run away. When you ignore those signs (claiming exemption due to your extra-coolness and awareness of said signs), you do so at your own risk. When other people warn you of the things you're already starting to see, you should run faster. At this point even if the negatives are completely overt, you still stick around because you have to prove something to all of those people to whom you defended the person-including yourself. It becomes much more difficult to run.

Then they just out and out disappoint you. You sigh miserably and move on.

And you have to say, "Self, I fuckin' told you so."

The Perfect Man - Revisited

So after I posted the CL ad that SOMEONE ELSE wrote about her fantasy man, I received a few comments/complaints about the guy I was looking for. Because it was someone else's and not straight from my heart, I thought I should address the concerns of those men who spend way too much time trying to analyze women like me given that they'll never actually have it all figured out.

Another issue to address is the contradictory nature of writing this kind of post, but stating that I'm not looking for a relationship. I am NOT looking for a relationship. But I'm not really avoiding one, either. I think it's perfectly acceptable to take the pressure off by making lots of friends and dating casually. It's difficult to date casually or make just friends if people go into it with the assumption that you want a relationship. I'm tired of feeling the pressure to conform to some sort of standard about what my interaction with someone should be like just because they are of the opposite sex. So here's the deal: I'm very happy single. I don't think I want to change that status right now. But if today, that guy who would totally change my world came along...I'm not going to be all jaded/scared/skittish and push him away just because I like being single. I like to keep an open mind. :)

With that said, I'd like to readdress the perfect man issue. Given the large number of different aspects of my personality that come into play through the course of a day/week/year, what I write will probably change depending on my recent experiences, who I'm talking to, and my emotional state. While I value all of the things I posted last time, today, right this moment, I've got one big requirement for the man that breaks me out of single status.

Be the man who, with utter sincerity and an adorable smile on his face, can look into my eyes and sing this song to me:

I'm gonna be here for you baby
I'll be a man of my word
Speak the language in a voice that you have never heard
I wanna sleep with you forever
And I wanna die in your arms
In a cabin by a meadow where the wild bees swarm

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us

I wanna honor your mother
I wanna learn from your pa
I wanna steal your attention like a bad outlaw
I wanna stand out in a crowd for you
A man among men
I wanna make your world better than it's ever been

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us

We'll follow the rainbow
Wherever the four winds blow
And there'll be a new day
Comin' your way

I'm gonna be here for you from now on
This you know somehow
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now
And I'm gonna make you a promise
If there's life after this
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us
I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll win your trust making memories of us

Now, If you don't think you could ever be that guy, don't bother getting romantic. Just have fun with me and be my friend, because I'm having way too much friggin fun being single to give that up for anything less.

Ahhh...A Little Taste of Home

Anthropology of MY People

Midwest Discovered Between East and West Coasts

NEW YORK—A U.S. Geological Survey expeditionary force announced Tuesday that it has discovered a previously unknown and unexplored land mass between the New York and California coasts known as the "Midwest."

The Geological Survey team discovered the vast region while searching for the fabled Midwest Passage, the mythical overland route passing through the uncharted area between Ithaca, NY, and Bakersfield, CA.

"I long suspected something was there," said Franklin Eldred, a Manhattan native and leader of the 200-man exploratory force. "I'd flown between New York and L.A. on business many times, and the unusually long duration of my flights seemed to indicate that some sort of large area was being traversed, an area of unknown composition."

The Geological Survey explorers left the East Coast three weeks ago, embarking on a perilous journey to the unknown. Not long after crossing the Adirondack Mountains, Eldred and his team were blazing trails through strange new regions, wild lands full of corn and wheat.

"Thus far we have discovered places known as Michigan, Minnesota and Wisconsin," said Randall Zachary, chief navigator for the expedition. "When translated from the local dialect into English, these words seem to mean 'summer camp.'"

Eldred and the others were surprised to learn that the Midwest, whose inhospitable environment was long believed to be incapable of supporting human life, is indeed populated, albeit sparsely.

"The Midwestern Aborigines are ruddy, generally heavy-set folk, clad in plain, non-designer costumery," Eldred said. "They tend to live in simple, one-story dwellings whose interiors are decorated with Hummels and 'Bless This House' needlepoint wall-hangings. And though coarse and unattractive, these simple people were rather friendly, offering us quaint native fare such as 'hotdish' and 'casserole.'"

Though the Midwest territory is still largely unexplored, early reports describe a region as backwards as it is vast. "Many of the basic aspects of a civilized culture appear to be entirely absent," said Gina Strauch, a Los Angeles-based anthropologist. "There is no theater to speak of, and their knowledge of posh restaurants is sketchy at best. Further, their agricentric lives seem to prevent them from pursuing high fashion to any degree, and, as a result, their mode of dress is largely restricted to sweatpants and sweatshirts, the women's being adorned with hearts and teddy bears and the men's with college-football insignias."

Despite the Midwesterners' considerable cultural backwardness, some say the establishment of relations with them is possible.

"Believe it or not, this region may have things to offer us," said Jonathan Ogleby, a San Francisco-area marketing expert. "We could construct an airport there, a place where New Yorkers could switch planes on their way to California. We could stage revivals of old Broadway musicals there. Perhaps we could even one day conduct trade with the Midwesterners, offering them electronic devices in exchange for meats and agriculture."

Others, however, are not so optimistic about future relations. "We must remember that these people are not at all like us," Conde Nast publisher and Manhattan socialite Lucille Randolph Snowdon said. "They are crude and provincial, bewildered by our tall buildings and our art galleries, our books and our coffee shops. For an L.A. resident to attempt to interact with one of them as he or she would with, say, a Bostonian is ludicrous. It appears unlikely that we will ever be able to conduct a genuine exchange of ideas with them about anything, save perhaps television or 'the big game.'"

Days Like These

How the hell did I do this in college? And why am I still doing it now?

Need to nap.

My Comments on Recent Blog Commentary

So in response to my "fantasy man" post, I got this comment:

"Before you can ask that of someone, you need to be able to provide that of yourself to him. Otherwise you're looking for someone to make up what you can't produce, instead of enjoying what you both are. IE Gold Digger lf sugar daddy. That's not love, its lust or self preservation. Considering you were just looking for money last month, seems like you might be a Pier 39 patroller. But, I work down there..come by, I got dollars!"

I know I should probably just leave it alone, but I can't help myself.

To "anonymous":

1. The fantasy man post is about my *ahem* FANTASY man. I don't expect any man I'd ever date to be that friggin perfect, but c'mon...if I wanted to I could ask for a man who will give me a neck massage every night while impressing my mom, entertaining my girlfriends, cooking me a magnificent dinner and singing love songs in an incredible voice. It's MY fantasy. I'm not dictating standards for the men I'll date, dangit.

2. I CAN provide a lot of those things to a man. I wouldn't hope for them for me if I didn't hope to be able to offer something comparable to someone else.

3. The "looking for money last month" was a nice little play on the fact that I was leaving my fundraising job where I would no longer have to create sponsorship systems like that. Given that you didn't see that, you obviously don't know me NEARLY well enough to even begin making judgments about me.

And about that one...you'll notice nobody got named for any of those levels...think that might be because nobody who knows me took it seriously?

4. What the hell is a Pier 39 patroller? How did the tacky hub of tourists come into play in my fantasy? Yech!

Seriously, when you leave anonymous comments with no backing evidence, you're not really doing me any damage here :)

Ooooh, that just gave me something else to add to my fantasy man: He will face things forthright, and not be the passive aggressive type who can't stand his ground out in the open.

:)

Why the bad guys get away...

stupid husbands

let's just make sure we restrict these complaints to the non-emergency police numbers so we don't tie up the 911 lines, ladies