You know your cat is curious if he watches you while you have sex.

You know your cat is jealous if he curls up on your face while you have sex.

Jealous cats need to be shoved off the bed.

It's always nice to open the door to a man in uniform.

Another wonderful Friday night in Springfield :)

Oh Mandy. What a night.

Not particularly wild or anything, just interesting.

Went to Martha's. Did NOT want to go. Was not up for dealing with drama queeny queens and was PMSy and knew I couldn't get drunk, so it was all a bit much for me last night.

Got to Martha's. Looked hot, but for who? Lots of older lesbians there last night. Thought I recognized a chick I knew when I walked in and did a double take. She thought I was checking her out and grabbed my ass later.

Random little very fem guy comes up and says he has to introduce himself to me. Apparently he saw me at Chuck's bday in my fem version of drag and thought I was cool for wearing a tie and bowler hat. Decided I was fun and he had to know me. Invited us to a party next week and to make out with him. uh...no.

Tall chick...my height...came up to me. Actually only 6'2 but in big heels...also much bigger than me, made me feel small and a little uncomfortable. Not a fan of looking slightly up to anyone.

Talking to her when older lesbian approaches to ask if I'm gay. I say no, she says oh, with a disappointed look. Turns out not to be because of her interest, but because her friend grabbed my ass. Her friend is straight. So I guess she wanted her one time experience or something. Won't be with me.

Lesbian proceeds to tell me and tall chick that we should be together and that we shouldn't be at martha's if we're not looking for ass from a woman. Excuse me? ugh. I know it's a meat market...but that's why I enjoy...I'm not PART of that meat market. Bah.

Sidewalk sale outside after closing involved lots of rain, with me in a pale yellow tank and newly straightened hair, dammit. Fanagled Corey into making out with hot guy who wanted to take his picture in the rain in the street. It was great, but Corey didn't think he was hot.

Hot army guy was def sending signs of hitting on Corey, but when prodded said he wasn't gay. So confusing.

Soaked through and through we left, tired and cold and ready to curl up in bed.

So the Sigma Chi brothers have made it into the hazing hall of fame:

However, the decision to evict the Sigma Chi brothers from their house took into account events on the evening of March 18, when two pledges were transported to the hospital, and April 22, when students were videotaped and photographed performing in sexually charged skits and engaging in other behaviors the Greek Life Office deemed "inappropriate" and "unacceptable."


Good job, guys. :)

Attn: St. Louis People

I'm jumpin' in my new car in a few to head up there. I'll be around until Monday afternoon. If I haven't already made plans with you, give me a call (on the new cell) and we'll work something out. Can't wait to see everyone!

Amazing Weekend! I'm beautifully sunkissed from spending the day outside while a couple really great people tried to fix my car, and from driving around all day in a Porsche Boxter with the top down. I made a wonderful new friend, and somehow wound up with a fabulous new car. Woo hoo! And once again everything works out for me...even when I thought it was hopeless. Learning to have more faith. :)

In regards to my post about someone taking the keys, a friend told me he thought the women's lib movement was all about letting the women drive. My response:

Women don't always want to be driven, we just want someone who's willing to step up to the plate and put the effort into the relationship...someone has to believe a relationship can work and have faith and work to make it happen. If one person is scared or tired or whatever it is that's holding them back, they are less likely to fight to make something happen. If there is another person who believes, who can instill a bit of hope and faith, who can make a little bit of effort to show the other how to do it all again, and that it's worth doing...it can work. Driving is being the person who makes the effort. Being the person who believes it can work.

I'm all about women's lib. I can go out and get any man I want. I have no problem asking a guy out or making the first move or whatever...but when it comes to actually starting a real relationship, I'm too fucking tired to deal with it. I'm not cynical, but I'm certainly not super optimistic, either. I've put way too much effort into it the last few times and not gotten anything back. The next time I actually get into a relationship, someone else is gonna have to do some major reparation. That sucks, I know, and it's not fair. But life's not fair. I've been in relationships since the last big heartbreak, but they were all me not being really involved and just going with the flow until I got bored with it. The guys thought they got through just because I seemed happy, and I got bored with them because we hadn't actually made a real connection. Nobody went past everything I put out for them to see. When someone gets past that...when i WANT someone to get past that, and when he makes an effort, maybe something real and better can happen. That's definitely going to require a guy who knows how to drive, and one who doesn't mind taking the scenic backroads, because it's gonna take one hell of a long time. Most men aren't up for that. I don't blame em...I'm not about to take that initiative with anyone. That's what driving is about. Not about the man taking control, or the woman being incapable...just about me being too damn tired to deal with it all. :)

fuck fuck FUUUUUUUCK

Who wants to buy me a car?

A glimpse into my life

Provided thoughtfully by author and psychic Leslie Schnur.


'She leaned against him, her shoulder against his arm. He turned to her, and he took her hand in his.

A few minutes later, he broke the silence.
"I haven't done this in a very long time." I can't tell her the truth, is what he was thinking.
"Me neither," she said. And I don't know if I can go through this again.
"I'm not sure I can." Besides, she thinks I'm someone I'm not.
"Me neither," she said again, wanting to smack herself. Though it was true.
"Maybe we should forget it." God, I want to kiss you, to...
"You're dropping me before we've even gotten started?" She made him laugh. Her stomach hurt. She pulled her hand from his.
"Somebody, in every new relationship, has to drive the train, to run the machine," he said. The last time, look what happened.
"Well, I don't drive. I'm a city girl," she said. Please don't do this.
He laughed. "Someone has to pursue the other. Or else you can't get to the next stop." Fight with me!
"Well, I'm not going to do it." Fuck him.
"Me neither." Screw you!
"So this will be the first love affair with no people," she said, looking down at her feet.
"A lot simpler than if it were populated." He turned to look at her. She's only here because thinks I'm someone else.
"It could last years." Kiss me, please.
"Or it'll go nowhere. It's not as if a new relationship can propel itself. It can simply putter out and stall on the side of the road," he said, now sounding anxious. "One could get hurt."
She challenged him. "Well, why aren't you brave? It's not important enough to you?" Fuck you!
"Me? Why not you? Who said that the man has to do it? What are you, a sexist pig?" Don't you see? I'm not who you really want.
"Yeah. SO I'd like to be pursued. So shoot me." Kiss me!
"I don't have to shoot you. Shoot yourself. I'm sick of having to be the one to drive the car! You know what it's like to drive the Expressway? Awful! That's what it's like. Trucks, old ladies with blue hair who can't see over the wheel, terrible drivers--"
"Drivers with a sense of entitlement . Feel they can cut you off, run you over simply because they're driving a Jag or a Hummer." she said.
"Hummers should be illegal. What, eight, nine miles to the gallon?"
"I totally agree!" She smiled. He's wonderful. She slipped her hand back into his.
"It's really a shame," to put it mildly, he said, squeezing her hand. "And all because we're wimps." And because you want me to be someone I'm not.
"Just fearful." Why is this so hard?
"I know." Show me it's me you really like and not a guy you're imagining.
"Well, this was fun." Yeah, right. She pulled her hand away and crossed her arms around her waist.
"I just need some time. I know that sounds...but can I call you?" When I get the balls?
"Why?" Oh God, yes.
"If I learn to drive?" To show you who I really am?
"God, yes. The minute one of us is willing or able to drive, we have to promise to call the other." I won't do it.
"I promise." And you'll be disappointed.
"Me, too." Please.
And they stood there for a few more minutes, in silence, leaning against each other, before heading back uptown.'



*sigh* Doesn't anyone wanna take the keys?

The last scene of 24 tonight was Jack Bauer crying in his car.

Awwwww, Kiefer, honey, I'll make you forget all about it. :)

Van Halen has a new single!!!!!!!!!!!
Rock on!

"It's About Time"

hell yeah, it is


NOBODY out there now has this kind of energy. SOOOOO glad there's something new :)

Wash U's 2004 Commencement address, by Thomas Friedman. Read it.

I have come to the absolute conclusion that I cannot be romantically involved with someone who cannot speak English correctly. ESPECIALLY if English was their first language. Seriously. I don't expect perfection all the time, I make constant mistakes...but subject/verb agreement is important, I think. Is I wrong? :) It just makes me cringe.

So maybe I'm a bitch, but I'm a bitch who respects the language a little too much to see it completely butchered.

Cute recycling guy has been MIA for awhile. How sad.

My car is evil. I really need to get a new one. May not have a choice soon. Have NO f*in clue how I'm going to pay for that, though. *sigh*

ATTENTION ALL SPRINGFIELD FOLK!!!

I am running a summer reading group at Barnes and Noble. It will be the fourth Monday of every month this summer at 7pm. Monday, May 24th, we're reading Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods. Monday, June 28th, we'll be reading Under the Tuscan Sun, by Frances Mayes. Yes, I know, not the most intellectual of all choices, but the success of the group is determined by how many people it brings into the store, not by the quality of the discussion. And the amount of people it brings into the store determines whether I continue to get paid for talking about books for two hours. So come check it out if you're in the area. You can call Barnes & Noble for more info at 885-0026.

Shit, I just realized I printed June 21st on my flyers. Ugh.

More from today's reading...

The criteria by which a new minority religion is determined to be dangerous and/or a cult:

1. The organization is willing to place itself above the law.

2. The leadership dictates (rather than suggests) important personal (as opposed to spiritual)details of followers' lives, such as whom to marry, what to study in college, etc.

3. The leader sets forth ethical guidelines members must follow but from which the leader is exempt.

4. The group is preparing to fight a literal, physical Armageddon against other human beings.

5. The leader regularly makes public assertions that he or she knows are false and/or the group has a policy of routinely deceiving outsiders.

from Odd Gods, by James Lewis

On Penis Size

by Michael Thomas Ford

Take the issue of big dicks. I confess that I have something of a fondness for them, and for some time I fantasized about finding a man who had one that would defy description. Well, you should always be careful what you wish for. My fantasy materialized one night in the form of a very tall, very large, very handsome German man. When he undid his jeans and I saw what lay beneath, I had to be revived by a splash of cold water to the face.


But alas, Gunther had one small problem. Or rather, one very large problem. For while his dick was indeed of Teutonic proportions, getting it filled to capacity with the blood necessary to make it hard meant that other areas of his body had to do without. Unfortunately the result of an erection was that his brain was unable to function fully, making sex with him about as exciting as the Doctor Who reruns he insisted on watching during lovemaking.

And when he was erect, there was this tiny matter of what to do with something so large. While it was kind of fun to play with him, it was a little like swinging a Wiffle bat around. Getting my mouth around the whole thing would have required installing hinges, and just the thought of him trying to put it anywhere else made me feel faint. While I tried valiantly to make the most of his natural gifts, in the end I had to abandon Gunther to someone with more relaxed throat muscles and no fear of a future marred by the inconvenience of incontinence.

Watching The Bad Seed. If you don't know it, it's that really old movie where there's this perfect little girl who is actually sociopathic. It came out before anyone actually knew that sociopathic was something you could have without it being a product of the environment. Really creepy perfectly nice little blond chick (so sure Village of the Damned was based on the creepy whitish blond hair) is total psycho with no remorse or regret. Creepy as hell movie. Soooooo good.

I finally managed to get some rest, but now I'm dying to go out and have some fun. Blah. Too bad anywhere worth going is at least 4 bucks worth of gas away. Can't really justify driving into town when prices are this high. Ozark needs a coffee shop. A good one. What's the point of having a day of rest if you can't rest because you're so used to always going and going?

There's a point in your life when you realize that you can no longer do the things you did in college. I once thought that was because you were old enough that your body couldn't handle it anymore. While that is the case later on, perhaps, it is not always. Sometimes it's just because you realize how friggin stupid you were in college.

Bah.

Never again.