On Penis Size

by Michael Thomas Ford

Take the issue of big dicks. I confess that I have something of a fondness for them, and for some time I fantasized about finding a man who had one that would defy description. Well, you should always be careful what you wish for. My fantasy materialized one night in the form of a very tall, very large, very handsome German man. When he undid his jeans and I saw what lay beneath, I had to be revived by a splash of cold water to the face.


But alas, Gunther had one small problem. Or rather, one very large problem. For while his dick was indeed of Teutonic proportions, getting it filled to capacity with the blood necessary to make it hard meant that other areas of his body had to do without. Unfortunately the result of an erection was that his brain was unable to function fully, making sex with him about as exciting as the Doctor Who reruns he insisted on watching during lovemaking.

And when he was erect, there was this tiny matter of what to do with something so large. While it was kind of fun to play with him, it was a little like swinging a Wiffle bat around. Getting my mouth around the whole thing would have required installing hinges, and just the thought of him trying to put it anywhere else made me feel faint. While I tried valiantly to make the most of his natural gifts, in the end I had to abandon Gunther to someone with more relaxed throat muscles and no fear of a future marred by the inconvenience of incontinence.