I GOT THE JOB!

Hey...anyone wanna work with an amazing little girl as a community integration specialist? Email Me! I need a replacement.

Interview got moved to tomorrow. Wish me luck!

What A Girl Wants

Ray Blackston's version of what men MUST do for women, as told in a dialogue in his novel, Flabbergasted:

After a young man mentions the idea of there being one person for everyone that has been well hidden thus far, two young women have the following to say:

"Don't believe that. If I stay in South Carolina, I could meet somebody. Or if I were to move to Idaho, I could meet somebody else. But if I married either one, that one would be the right now."

"But the right one has to prove he's the right one."

"He has to treat you like a precious gem, but he needs to be in a real relationship with God first."

"All of that opening of doors and bringing of flowers is a given. A guy's momma shoulda taught 'im that."

"At least that."

"Birthdays and annivesaries seared into his brain."

"That, too."

"Without even asking, he should know if I'm happy or sad or somewhere in between."

"And none of those yes-men who agree with everything, like if a girl says she loves moldy cheese and the guy says he loves moldy cheese, too. We don't need that."

"Definitely don't need that."

"And no calling us at 11:00pm on Thursday, requesting a date for Friday."

"That wouldn't be courteous."

"And if you want to skimp on something, skimp on the price of your lawnmower or your golf clubs, or sit in the cheap seats at the ball games. But don't skimp on us."

"That's a fact."

"And after a nice evening, call us the next day and tell us we're special."

"That'd be nice."

"And if we go to the same church and then break up, don't sit next to us during the Sunday morning service and ask to share a hymnal."

"Yuck."

"But if we get back together, make it clear that we girls can order whatever meal we want, since the price of steak versus meatloaf pales in comparison to a lifetime of love and devotion."

"Another thing...he should never, on a date or any other social occasion, let us get into situations that might be even slightly perceived as compromising."

"Now, just take good notes and inform the entire male populace."

I'm such a dork. Happy Camper calls to set up the interview with the board, and I feel all comfortable with the director because we've had this ongoing thing now during this hiring porcess...so she asks what time I want to meet and I say noon. Thinking about how far it is from BN, I decide I should probably move it, but instead of being professional, stupid little me goes (in an excited voice), "Oh, can we move it to 12:15? In case there's traffic, I don't want to make a bad impression on him." She says, "oooookay" with an incredulous tone. A little too comfy there, eh? I'm a dork. And if I don't get the job now I feel the gods of interviewing are going to remove my tongue. Seriously. Bah.

Totally watching 13 Going on 30 for the fourth time. I LOVE this movie. Too bad it leaves me friggin depressed when it's over because I don't have a pink house. (see earlier post)

I wanna be Jennifer Garner. And DO Mark Ruffalo. On a couch in front of a pink house.

You know you're in trouble when deciding who will be the designated driver comes down to figuring out a drinking schedule for the night. It's all in the timing.

The Stinkin' Drunk Twelve Step Program

Step One: The Call of the Drink
It beckons to you, you simply answer it. It sounds like a good idea, it feels right, but you decide you will not go too far.

Step Two: Economics
If funds are low, and you don't have an entire paycheck to blow, you must decide whether to do the Poor Man's Drunk (i.e., drinking on a completely empty stomach) or if there is some possibility that you can con others into providing for you.

Step Three: The Suitable Drinking Partner
Finding appropriate person may sometimes prove a little difficult, but a sensible choice has no substitute. You must be careful not to choose a beginner, because you will inevitably end up taking care of them and wiping up body fluids, but you also must be careful not to choose someone who will be functioning well enough when you pass out to stick hot dogs down your pants or cement your eyes shut with toothpaste.

Step Four: The Clink of the Ice, the Crack of the Tab
The first sip that holds beautiful promises, the inital lick of the lips that christens the inebriation that lies patiently ahead. The drinker begins to feel at ease, shedding the sober skin in thicker flakes after each and every drink.

(The next eight steps can follow in rapid succession or may occur simultaneously.)

Step Five: Sad Reminiscing
"I don't care if I saw him naked on the couch with that girl who works at Dairy Queen, I know he really loved me. Why did he leave me? Why? Can anyone tell me why?" The most worthless step of the entire twelve. It usually concerns relationships and can lead to potentially hazardous DWIs--Dialing While Intoxicated--which entails calling everyone you ever dated, since you are convinced that it is a completely excellent idea.

Step Six: Wanting to Get Naked and Asking Strangers to Do the Same
Usually done after the DWI has already taken place, and the drinker has been rejected again.

Step Seven: Math
You start figuring out how many hours it will be until you have to be fully functioning again. "I can sleep fifteen more minutes if I skip a shower," "I'll wear what I'm wearing now and won't have to waste time looking for something clean."

Step Eight: "It's Ten 'til One" Inventory
A quick assessment that no matter how much liquor you have, it will not be enough and you must get more, and NOW, because it is the most important mission you will ever embark on in your life.

Step Nine: Let's Get a Snack, Too
A journey to a drive-thru, because you are much too drunk to sit in a restaurant, though you are okay to drive. Purchase twenty dollars' worth of fast food that will most likely reappear in an altogether different form before sunrise. You will eat things at this point that you would not normally feed your dog, like convenience-store franks or three-for-a-dollar tacos.

Step Ten: I Love Being Me
Your are witty. You begin feeling beautiful, sexy, and thin. You really want to be naked now, and just about everybody is looking good. You will not think twice about sticking your tongue down a stranger's throat in a room full of a hundred people. You may also feel the need to tell assorted people that you love them, and this is a good indication that you should probably go home.

Step Eleven: Invisibility
You believe that you are invisible and can do things that will bear no witnesses, like peeing in a bush or puking on the sidewalk. It is at this point that you will not remember the last thing you said or that you decided that the street looks like a very good place to lie down.

Step Twelve: The Complete Loop
You lose the ability to communicate, with the exception of nodding your head. Also evaporated is the decision-making process, all of your money, the use of your limbs, and, quite thankfully, consciousness.

from The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club by Laurie Notaro

I'm 23 and I JUST bought my very first C cup bra! Rock on! Guess my Judy Blume exercises (or was it Beverly Cleary?) worked.

We must, we must, we must increase our bust.

We finally have some art up on the walls! Starting to look like home :)

We finally have some art up on our walls. Makes it start to look a bit like home. Especially with our beautiful new dining room table. Woo hoo!

I didn't get the job with Happy Camper Foundation*. The exec director is trying to create a position for me, but the board won't do it. What they did do was add a fundraising aspect to the office manager position and make it full time. Now the exec director wants to offer me that position but she has to let the treasurer interview for the office manager part of it. That means he wants someone with accounting experience, which I don't have. I'm interviewing next week for it. We'll see what happens.

*Some names are made up to protect the innocent :)

Why is it that people pop back into your life just when you feel comfortable with your life and over your past? How do you make a friendship work with someone who IS that past that took so long to get over (if you ARE indeed over it)? Is it doable?

I called Happy Camper* again to see about the job I interviewed for 2 weeks ago. Had to leave another message. Blah. This is the worst anticipation ever. Blah. I want this job sooooo much.

*Names have been changed

The parent of one of my clients has masterfully found a way to keep me just late enough for me to get really hungry, but have me leave early enough that he doesn't feel compelled to feed me. It's not like I'm asking for a steakhouse buffet. Seriously.

Mike left on Sunday after spending a week in town. It's nice. For once in my life it's not this highly dramatic emotional rollercoaster of a relationship. He leaves, it sucks, but it's all okay, not a huge deal. I feel very normal for the first time in a long time. It's sad, though...we made it work so well this week that I totaly feel like it could actually work and I'm just a bit melancholy that it was only for a week. I miss him.

Just finished watching 13 Going on 30 AGAIN. I LOVE this movie!!!! Love it sooo much, but it makes me cry like a friggin jr high girl who just got ditched at a party. Who finds that kind of love? Who meets someone that is just their best friend and then ends up totally in love and happy and married and sitting on a luxurious white couch in the front yard of their brand new pink house in a manhattan suburb? Who? The movie is a fairytale, but it's so depressing because I'm never gonna have that pink house. How sad.

I WANT THE PINK HOUSE DAMMIT!