My client, D., and I were recycling out in the beautiful weather today when a ruggedly handsome stranger asks me if I need help with my flat. Shocked, I look down to notice that my car is sitting on the ground rather than on the nice tube of air it was when I arrived. I professed my bafflement and told him I would LOVE his help, but I didn't have a jack. The wonderful handsome stranger went all around the recycling lot looking for someone with a jack that would work. What a man. He then managed to get the car off the ground and remove all but one of the lug nuts. The last lug nut defeated him and another gentleman as they tried to loosen it and only succeeded in rotating the tire (and moving the car backward). Finally, in a final lone attempt, Mr. Handsome broke the nut and finished putting on my spare. Ahhh, how I wish that was an analogy for something more fun. So I ask the men if I can buy them a case of beer or something. They both protest, the cute one more than the other older man. At that point I thank them both profusely and the hot guy tells me he couldn't have done otherwise, it's in his blood to help, and he's just glad he was there. I tell him he totally saved my day, make him feel all heroic, and think to myself, "hell yeah, I'm glad you're here...and not just to change my flat." The man who is now getting better looking by the second (did I actually blush when those blue eyes peered into mine?) is wearing white gloves.

After he leaves I think, Damn, I should have asked him if I could take him out for a drink since he wouldn't let me buy him a case of beer. Or coffee :)

Or even said something like, "nice gloves...is there a ring under there?"

I'm a moron.

Maybe he's a regular like D. and I :) perhaps I will see him again.

at least my tire is fixed :)

It's amazing what a beautiful day can do for your morale. That and dark chocolate with raspberry filling.

How do you make it better when you've broken the trust of someone you love? Even if they forgive you, do you actually forgive yourself? Or do you constantly want to say, no no, don't tell me that...no no, don't put your trust in me, I don't deserve it. But what is any kind of love, any kind of friendship without trust?

And what if that trust was broken because you trusted someone else? What if you feel betrayed by someone who did the exact same thing you just did. How do you deal with it? Well, your anger at them simply becomes even more anger at yourself. And how do you combat that? You need forgiveness from somewhere...but even the person who fucked over is kind enough to do so, that's not really enough, now is it? Because you're still blaming yourself for the transgressions of those other people and only you can forgive that. So what the fuck? why trust?

Someone show me trust that hasn't been broken. Someone show me it's worth it. Or show me a way to love without it. Bah.

oh my, it's been way too long since I've really written anything. Hate this part of documenting stuff on here. Yesterday I got into a sorta mini car accident. I no longer have a mirror. I'm sore as hell, but other than that, all is okay. For once it actually wasn't my fualt, either. That's kinda rare :) anyway, i'm off to bed...too much to do tomorrow.