Your Argument is Invalid

Sometimes at work when someone is asking for something I don't want to do, I feel like busting out with, "I just had back surgery!"

Saturday Ego Boost

I decided to take a day off from life today.

Not entirely, but I definitely skipped the Cardinals game I was gonna go watch and hung out inside all day even thought it's gorgeous outside. I'm feeling pretty crappy because I'm not used to being back at work and physical therapy seriously kicked my ass today.

So I BARELY made it to the corner market this afternoon to pick up a healthy alternative to whatever crap is in my freezer. Unwashed hair pulled up without even looking in a mirror. Glasses. Cropped pajama pants with a hoodie. I have no shame when it comes to my corner market. And I blend in with the druggies.

On the way out, though, pretty attractive tall guy asks me if he can ask me a local question. He asks about my favorite sushi places nearby, which of course in San Francisco turns into a conversation because I had to ask "rolls or sashimi?" and "quality or economy?" He clearly knows all of the places I mention, which I comment on. This prompts him to ask me to go with him to dinner and let him buy me a beer.

My first thought was that he didn't seem drunk. My second was my response - I gestured to myself and said, "have you seen how I'm dressed right now?" He further tried to convince me. Maybe I should have taken him up on it - he's gotta have a good story, but I'm just not up for meeting someone new at the moment. I told him he caught me on a bad day, and that another time that would have totally worked. We said our goodbyes and I walked down the hill to go back to my day off of life and rest. Smiling all the way.

Ego incredibly boosted.

how my suppliers think of me

It's not often that you get unsolicited feedback from people you manage. For the past 2 years I've been on a project in which I managed supplier teams through a major transformation. At times my personality came through and I served as their ally, but my job was to make a lot of demands on them and make sure they met commitments. In fact, my client feedback after 3 weeks on the project was that I need to be a more of a bitch.

Despite that, the person at the supplier who was my primary contact just sent me a touching thank you email. My favorite favorite part, that I think tells so much about me:

"[You were] always asking for more, sometimes difficult but never impossible."

This just makes me smile. I'm so thankful for this.

Apparently I'm Giving Up Exercise for Lent

Had my surgery follow up today.

Good news: I'm apparently doing extremely well. The residual pain and tingling is normal and could last a few months. The nerve was compressed for so long that it just takes time to heal. Also, this new pain I'm having in my foot is normal - which is a huge relief. Apparently when they hold the nerve back during the surgery, they can cause pain effects in unexpected places for awhile afterward. I no longer have to wear any bandages, and I can take showers without worrying about it. All great stuff.

Bad news: I can't take a bath for AT LEAST 4 more weeks. I'm a long bath girl. This is doable, but it's a little bit of torture. The harder news is the recovery period. I had been under the impression that I would be cleared to start physical therapy again after this appointment. I was sooooo wrong. I'm not cleared to do ANYTHING - not even the tiniest of exercises or bending - for 4 more weeks.

In my surgery, they removed the part of the disc material that had pushed into the spinal cavity, but they left most of the disc in place. This means that if I stress it at all, I can push the remaining material out and be back in the same position needing surgery again. So I'm not even supposed to be bending down for the next 4 weeks even though I feel totally capable.

This is the only time that I can legitimately say giving up exercise for Lent would actually be a sacrifice. Which I say as if I've done Lent anytime in the last 10 years.

Back in the Office

Today was my first and last day back in the office for awhile.

It was the first day back in person since the week before my surgery.
Definitely a little overwhelming. Super productive and reminded me that I am a valuable professional who doesn't just lie around watching cats and bad tv all day. But sitting so long - both in the car and in the conference room - was definitely painful. I should have had someone take a picture, but I definitely was lying on the floor working for an hour or so in the afternoon. The Deloitte guys told me they were going to find a couch to bring in until I told them it was my last day.

Onto that...

It was also my last day on site for this project.
I've been on this project almost two years. That's a long time to just let go so unceremoniously. A lot of people expressed surprise/frustration that I wasn't having some kind of going away shindig. Fact is, it happened last Tuesday, but I was busy recovering from the surgery because it had to be pushed up when I couldn't move. The plus side of this is that I felt incredibly loved every time I told someone it was my last day and watched their face fall. I'm so thankful for this amazing team and am seriously sad to leave. It is possible I even got a little teary eyed when my suppliers thanked me.

And now, sleep after this long lovely day before a couple more weeks of rest.

First Shower in Almost 2 Weeks

Today I decided I was done with the cup and washcloth method of bathing. Figured this red duct tape would do the trick.

Quickly learned that duct tape is not waterproof against skin. All good, though - I immediately dried off and replaced the dressing, and I feel a little more me again. Step by step. Oooh baby.

Reminder that I live in a City

On my way home yesterday I passed a small group of kids (kids = probably academy of art students) putting a box onto the edge of the street. One girl yelled, "don't tip it over, just set it down!"

Then the group yelled, "C'mon Charlie!" and a giant rat wiggled its way out and onto the road.

All I could think was, that's a terrible place to let a rat go - he's going to get run over.

Hope you made it, Charlie.

Cabin Fever

I'm starting to get so restless hanging out in the house.

I've been tapering down my painkillers so my mind is much more clear, but there's a little more pain. I know I still need to rest, but I feel so tired of resting and I just want to go do stuff. I have all of these projects I want to do in the house and I get inspired but as soon as I get up to try one it's too much.

Last night Nolan peed under the bed. I thought I could leave it until morning but the smell was just too overwhelming. I somehow managed to pull my entire bed out away from the wall (thank god I had it on little sliders so it wasn't heavy), scrub the floor, and move my storage bins over the spot so he couldn't get back there again.

I did it, I felt good getting it done. but an hour later I was in so much pain. I know it was stupid, but who am I gonna call at 2am to come move my bed and clean up cat pee?

I'm bored. I'm tired of being helpless. I'm feeling so much better and so excited to be a human again, but I'm still not quite there and it's driving me crazy.

Kittens are only entertaining for so long.

Two Things

1. I am the best ever at applying bandages in the mirror.

2. People who apply bandages in hospitals should take basic engineering into account. I have spent the last 2 days screaming in pain because the incision is raised and it touches the bed when I lie down. I put extra gauze on the sides to build a bridge and no more pain. Not genius, but apparently takes one to implement.

Figuring Out Life at Home

Cat sitter is going to continue coming for a few days until I feel okay doing it on my own.

Amy gave me some leftovers and I can work with friends and delivery services to get fed.

Will use task rabbit and homejoy to get the house all spic and span again.

But laundry, well, laundry is tough. I used to have the laundromat across the street do my wash and fold and they would deliver. They have new ownership and have replaced that service with laundry locker. Problem is that Laundry Locker won't pick up or deliver from my home. I've got a call into the COO to see if he can work something out with me, but if not, what can I do? Are there other wash and fold delivery options that aren't ridiculously expensive?

Dozi is Keeping Watch

Day 2 Post Surgery

I was going to do a video post but, a) my voice isn't really working and b) it seems a little deceptive to have not done one yesterday when i felt awesome.

So instead, this is what's going on:

I was fine until i went to bed. But then my neck and shoulders started to hurt. My neck feels like I've been strangled and there are no muscles holding it up.

Also, all of a sudden the incision site is extremely painful. Any movement any touch... which means I can no longer lie on my back.

Not really sure how to handle today. Right now I'm just lingering in bed on my side trying to support my neck enough that it doesn't scream in pain.

A Giant Piece of Disc!

I'm all set up at Amy's house for the next few days. She's taking very good care of me. I'm already walking and can do stairs slowly with a rail.

Amy talked with the doctor last night and he excitedly told her about the size of the disc portion he removed. He said on a scale of 1-10, this was really really big. Apparently they are normally the size of half of the pinky finger or so, but this was the size of his index finger. HUGE. He said that it was no wonder I was in so much pain because it was taking up so much room.

If you're easily grossed out, close this window now. Otherwise, scroll down for a picture of the piece they removed.

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Post surgery update

I feel awesome.

I mean, yes I'm sore, and some of the pain will stick around for a few days, but I'm on Tylenol only at the moment and i can turn over in bed, sit up slowly, stand, and even walk a little.

Don't get me wrong -- i hurt a lot. But the comparison is super easy.  I am a gajillion times more myself today than i was yesterday.  And thank goodness for that because 8 hours in a gurney having not eaten or had anything to drink and not knowing when they were going to take me in -- that was agony.

So so happy right now. Looking forward to a few days of rest that might actually feel restful.

Morning after

This is my view right now.

Recovering

Surgery was super delayed. Got to hospital at 2 but didn't go in until 830. Portion of ruptured disc was way bigger than they thought. Took a lot out.

I already feel pain relief and sat up all on my own. They are keeping me the night just because it's so late and they want to watch me. Soreness is starting to set in but it's nothing like the pain i had.

Gonna go enjoy my Apple juice and Graham crackers now before sleeping. More tomorrow.

Dilautid is fun

Especially when mixed with sponge Bob.

Here I Go

I just got really scared.

What if this is a mistake? What if it doesn't work? What if I'm like this forever?
Fortunately it looks like that are breaking out the morphine. Scratch that.  They are bringing dilautid. Maybe this will be a fun trip. 

Spine Images

I thought it might be nice to show exactly what's going on. These are a couple of images from my MRIs with my notes added. Click on the bottom image for full view.

I'm Having Back Surgery Today

Yesterday, completely frustrated, I put my latest post up on Twitter and called out Aetna for not authorizing the surgery. Their reasoning was that the doctor had requested authorization for a March 6 surgery. They have a 7-10 day SLA, and it had only been 7 days.  It didn't matter that the surgeon was now requesting surgery the next day, or that he had cleared his schedule to allow for what he considered an emergency.

Surprisingly to me (I'm just starting to learn the power of twitter), aetna responded to my post:

They called me and left a message telling me they were on the phone with my doctors working on the case, and they gave me direct phone numbers to individuals. My doctor's assistant had been fighting with the insurance company for a couple of hours when all of a sudden they referred her to the appropriate contact who approved the procedure.

I'm amazed at the power of posting my frustration online. I'm impressed at how quickly Aetna responded and how personally they took this case. Kudos.

I'm still sad that I had to go to twitter to get this taken care of.

Regardless, I'm having a desparately needed surgery today.
Thanks, @aetnahelp