8.27.2009

On Being Tall - Comments from the Underlings

I ran across a fantastic article today (only fantastic because I've never seen this in non-tall-focused media before) and have to share it. This is vital information for most men.

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Tall Woman (from Asylum.com)
My comments in RED.

Statistically, Americans may be getting shorter, but like all evolution, that takes time, and not everyone has shrunk. Take, for example, that tall girl you've got your eye on across the bar. You'd like to impress her, right? Two key pieces of advice: A) Be yourself (as your Mom told you about 10 years ago) and B) don't make a big thing of her height.

In the interest of aiding your love life, writer Laura Gilbert asked a WNBA team's worth of willowy women what clich├ęd lines turn them off most. Heed their warnings and you might just get to check "chick over six feet tall" off your "to do before I die " list.

10. "You must be a model!" (This line shows that you're not trying very hard, even if you clarify up front that you're only asking because she's really rilly pretty.) Believe it or not, I'm actually TOO tall to be a model, but thanks for reminding me. I'm actually also far too big to be a model. Height does not a model make. And NO, I won't model for you, jackass. I'm not interested in posing for your creepy photos, thanks.

9. "You can't be 5' 10". I'm 5'10"!" (It's one thing to lie about your height while you're sitting down or on an Internet profile. When you say this to someone who has to lean down to hear it, you're busted.) No guy wants to believe that I'm 6'4". It KILLS them when I say that technically I'm only 6'3.75". Sorry, boys...NCAA measurement trumps drunk guy tape measure.

8. "Is it hard for you to meet people taller than you?" (If she has to explain the bell curve to you, you might not be an intellectual match.) Nope, happens all the time. You see so many of them, right? That's why you're talking to me about my height, obviously. That pool is further limited by the fact that so many of you can't handle a tall woman to begin with. AND, why do I have to meet people taller than me? That's a silly assumption.

7. "Now there's a tree I'd like to climb." (Yummeh.) Honey, if that's how you approach it, you'd fall off before you got to the ankles.

6. "How do you kiss?" ( Or the skin-crawling subset: "Wow, I feel like I'm the girl!" You do realize that kissing doesn't require her to use her legs, right?) Well, hopefully I've got a man who is actually a man on the other end.

5. "I could eat my way to the top." (Stop. Just stop.) You know what's so sad about this one? Had you started with my brain, you might have even had a shot.

4. "How tall are you, anyway?" (Think about it: Whatever she answers won't make much difference, except that you'll look sorta insecure for having asked. Use some deductive reasoning and you should be able to guess within an inch or two.) Will it change your life to know the number? The variation of this one that really gets me is when it's a stranger just passing me on the street and they'll never see me again.

3. "How do you wear heels?" (Like everyone else: one foot at a time. She looks even better when she does it, shortstack.) And yes, I LOVE heels. Deal with it.

2. "It won't matter much when we're lying down." (Only a fool would invite commentary on the inches that do make a difference during horizontal integration.) Exactly. My inches won't matter. :)

1. "Do you play basketball?" (People don't ask "Do you play professional baseball?" just because you're paunchy and chew tobacco. Pay it forward by giving tall women the same courtesy.) I was once told to ask in return "do you play miniature golf? or the piccolo?"


My additions to the list:

11. "You're a big girl!" big? why do you have to say big? TALL is the word, thank you.

12. "Can I have some of that height?" Sure...find a way to do it and I'm happy to give up a little to be able to fit into clothes, shoes, cars, airplane seats, etc. But really you're just reminding me that I can't do that, so this sucks.

13. "Must be nice to reach things (or see over everyone)!" Yeah. Must be nice to fit into clothes, shoes, cars, airplane seats, etc.

14. "Those legs would look really nice wrapped around me!" Yes they would. And it would be nice, if you were worthy. Too bad you'll never find out if that's how you start the conversation.

15. "How did you get so tall?" or "Are your parents tall?" I drank a magic potion and *poof* one day I was this way. 'Actually, my parents are midgets and I'm a freak of nature.'

16. "Damn you're tall!" yep. and damn, you're rude.


Really, the thing that bugs me, is simply that people feel they can approach me without manners. My height does not give you permission to be an asshole. Just be nice, and I'll be a happy girl.

1 comment:

tall woman said...

I love your replies, tall women get asked a lot :)